Ten Million Lifetimes
by Amber Kay
Summary: "Haymitch was wrong. I could live ten million lifetimes and never deserve him. Not for a second." Post- Mockingjay. The story of how the Girl on Fire and the Boy with the Bread found happiness in a world once so wrought with danger.
1. Prologue

It's been two months since the primroses that Peeta planted bloomed. I marveled at them now, the early morning sun making the dew drops on their bright yellow petals shimmer. I could smell the delicious aroma of fresh bread as it wafted towards me from the open windows of Peeta's house.

Peeta.

It's unbelievable that after everything we've fared and the torturous things he alone survived that he would be the one who came out on top. I haven't seen much of him since he planted the primroses, but I knew he was doing so much better than before. He baked me two fresh loaves of bread every morning and respectfully left them on my doorstep. I would stumble downstairs from my bed when I heard his loud footsteps nearing. I waited, barely breathing, behind the door until I heard the _clink_ of the tray on the steps and his heavy footfalls disappearing, then I would dart out and grab them and run back upstairs, locking the door behind me.

Sometimes I would eat them both before Greasy Sae came to fix them with something, but she never minded. It was a feat that I was eating again, and I knew that she would never dare say anything that might send me into a relapse.

Sae would attempt to send me into town on days when I didn't feel like hunting. She'd cajole me out the door with a list of groceries and a handful of money, but no one ever let me pay for things. Despite my protests, I suppose getting free groceries was a small thank you from the people of District Twelve for "saving Panem".

It made me sick.

Occasionally, I'd see Peeta during one of my trips. He would smile cautiously, maybe give me a timid wave, and continue on, never pressuring me to do or say anything. On my best days the most I could offer was a nod in response or an awkward smile that happened so fast it probably looked like a mouth spasm.

He still had his flashbacks, and nightmares, too. Haymitch didn't need to tell me, but the condescending glare I got whenever we crossed paths told me that he knew, too. I could hear Peeta at night, through his open windows, screaming my name and his parents' names and the names of everyone we've lost.

Because of me.

I could hear him curse my name and scream and crash around when he was having a flashback, then go eerily quiet and then the worst; moan and sob because he felt incredibly guilty.

Because of me.

He never came to me, though. For help, questions, for anything. I can see it in his eyes- when I do see him- that he feels extremely guilty over everything.

Because of me.

Haymitch was wrong. I could live ten million lives and never deserve him. Not for a second.


	2. Chapter One

Haymitch made an appearance today. I was spreading jam and butter- rare delicacies from the Capitol that would have never been in my possession before the Games- on my bread. He stomped into my kitchen and slammed his hand on my table with an acute force that rattled my plate and made me drop my bread on my lap.

"Damn it, girl!" he shouted in my face. His breath was free of any liquor, and my blood ran cold. I could handle Haymitch drunk, but a Haymitch sober was a force to be reckoned with.

"What?" I snapped at him. My voice, hoarse from talking to no one but Sae and random townspeople- and only a few words, at that- sounded deep, like a man's.

"You are the most pitiful excuse of a girl, of a _victor_, of a _face_ _of_ _a_ _rebellion_, that I have ever met," he snarled. I picked up my bread and flicked the jam off my leg. Then I busied myself by spreading the sweets again so Haymitch wouldn't see my hands shaking.

"Is that supposed to be news to me?" I snarled. Haymitch hit the table again and I threw down my bread, standing up to face him.

"What do you want from me?" I yelled.

"I want you to be the girl who sparked a revolution!" he yelled back. "Just because you've washed your hair and shot a few squirrels doesn't mean you're back to normal, sweetheart."

I scoffed at him. "Why do you care now Where have you been? Where were you when I was practically comatose and could've used some advice?"

That was a lie and we both knew it. I wouldn't have gotten up for anyone, not even President Paylor himself.

"And who was the one who got you up?" Haymitch smirked. I furrowed my brow, trying to remember what drew me out of bed after the primroses weeks ago…the smell of bread…

"Peeta," I breathed.

Haymitch, looking rather pleased with himself, slumped back into the chair and produced a small silver flask from the breast pocket of his grimy jacket.

"That very person," he said between sips, "needs you more than you could ever understand right now."

The shaking in my hands increased tenfold. I remembered his hands closing around my throat, the feral look in his eyes as he called me a mutt…the tingling feeling and butterflies I got when I kissed him…

"I can't," I whispered brokenly. "I can't see him, Haymitch."

"You owe that boy more than you could ever pay off," he said, still chugging the liquid in the flask. "He has questions that I can't and don't care to answer, and won't get better without knowing the answer, so get off your high horse and do this one thing for him before you lose your chance."

Lose my chance? I searched Haymitch's eyes for an answer. Did he mean before Peeta left District Twelve, or left me…forever?

His eyes held no answers.

"Leave." I snapped at him. My old mentor didn't move for several moments, and I was expecting him to jump up, shout at me, and become volatile. What he did, however, was calmly stand up, push in his chair, and start towards the front door. He opened it slowly, then turned back and looked me dead in the eye.

"You believe that all the lives lost," he said slowly, deliberately, "were because of you. And they probably were."

I started towards him, a thousand insults at the tip of my tongue, but he held up a hand to stop me.

"But by sitting around and not moving on, not trying to help Peeta move on…that makes it all for nothing."

I knew he was right. He knew he was right. But I didn't say anything.

Apparently this disgusted him further, because he just scoffed and slammed the door behind him. But, right before the door clicked shut, he called back:

"This is not what your sister died for!"

A shriek bubbled its way up my throat, an anguished, feral scream that has been building up for months. I screamed and cried and cursed, hot, salty tears running down my cheeks and my hands throwing anything they could find.

Glasses shattered against the closed door, plates cracked against the table, and my heart crumbled with every passing second. When my kitchen was thoroughly destroyed, I whirled into the living room, kicking over my chair and kicking out the ashes from the fire that had died long ago.

I sunk to my knees and buried my face in my hands. I bit my palms to muffle the screams, but I know it didn't do much good. It felt like someone had ripped a hole right out of my heart and sealed it with acid.

I don't know how long I sat there; days, minutes, hours, but after what felt like six lifetimes I heard the uneven, heavy clump of footsteps bounding up my porch and stopping short when they reached the living room.

I waited for him to speak, to scream and call me a mutt, but he didn't. Peeta knelt down in front of me and gently pried my hands away from my face. His eyes, still a beautiful blue that the Seam kids never had, searched my blotchy, tear-stained face. His face was lined with worry as he gently wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

"Prim," I choked out. "He-he said that-that Prim-"

"Shh," Peeta said, stroking my hair- or what had patchily grown in after it was burned off.

In the explosion that killed Prim.

"It doesn't matter what he said," Peeta soothed. He pulled me onto his lap and tucked me away behind his arms. I tensed and resisted at first, scared that being this close would trigger a flashback. When I heard his sharp intake of breath I knew that I had hurt him. I was immediately consumed by guilt.

Now he thinks I don't trust him.

_Do I_? I pushed that thought aside and willed my body to relax. He started breathing again, and I tried to speak.

"But he was right," I said.

Peeta didn't respond. He continued stroking my hair and I sobbed. I couldn't believe that he was here, comforting me, when I hadn't even tried to help him. That's just how Peeta has always been; selfless.

Another reason that I will never deserve him.


	3. Chapter Two

**Hey guys! In anticipation of the MTV Movie Awards (for which The Hunger Games is nominated for EIGHT categories!), I have decidced to upload this chapter a week early. Now, you guys will have to wait a bit for Chapter Three, since I uploaded this so early, just as a warning. (But you guys are worth it.) **

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**Here's Chapter Two, I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

I awoke in my bed still in my clothes from the day before. Sunlight was streaming through the windows, and I could smell the forgotten aroma of scrambled eggs slowly tiptoeing up the stairs.

Before the Games, I had only tasted scrambled eggs once in my life. I was barely seven, and my father had found two forgotten chicken eggs under the coop on his friend Darren's land. Darren had let my father take them, and within the hour my father had turned them into the richest meal we'd ever eaten.

My eyes welled with tears at the memory, but I blinked them from my eyes and stretched my aching muscles. Then, the events from the day before hit me like an explosion, and my breath hitched.

I scrambled out of bed, wrapped the sheet tightly around me, and sprinted down the stairs. I flew into the kitchen and stopped short an inch away from the table.

"Slow down, girl!" Sae said as she placed a steaming plate of eggs on the table. "I'm an old woman, and I don't need any more excitement."

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and then sat down in front of my breakfast. Greasy Sae placed a glass of orange juice in front of me and I gulped it down gratefully.

"Um, Sae?" I asked as I tucked in to my eggs.

"Mm?" she asked as she scrubbed the frying pan in the sink.

"Did you, um, happen to see Peeta this morning?"

Greasy Sae put down the pan and turned to me, giving me a knowing smile with her hands on her hips. "He left long before you go up, sweat pea."

I arch my eyebrows at the new nickname, and then blush at the thought of Sae knowing that Peeta was here overnight.

"I was coming back from town and saw him leaving here just after dawn. I hear you made quite the mess."

I had forgotten about my ransacking of my home. My eyes scanned every surface in the kitchen- pristine. I craned my neck around the wall and saw a spotless living room. I gaped at Greasy Sae.

"How…?"

"That boy is too good for you," Greasy say murmured as she turned back to the sink. She didn't say it condescendingly like Haymitch; she was stating a fact. I scowled and picked at my eggs, my appetite now out the door.

"You know, I hear he's trying to reopen his family's bakery," she said. "He might be there now, if you're looking."

_Was I looking_?

_Yes_, I decided, _I was looking_. I owed it to Peeta to find him and apologize, and to thank him- for everything.

I hastily swallow the rest of my breakfast and rush back up the stairs. Hurriedly, I was in the shower and throw on fresh clothes. I braid my wet hair and all but fly out the door, leaving a chuckling Greasy Sae behind me.

I hastened through town, followed by the stares of people so used to me moping around. I was at the ruins of the bakery in no time. I found myself standing in the same spot where I once laid years ago, starving and exhausted.

The place where I first met my boy with the bread.

It was then that I felt the overwhelming urge to run away, back to the sanctity of my prison. _You shouldn't be here_, I though. My thoughts raced back to when I stood on my pedestal during the Quarter Quell.

_This is no place for a girl on fire_.

But neither is here, a place so charred and ruined, as a result of my own flames. I turned to go, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but I heard footsteps crunch over the rubble.

Damn.

"Katniss?"

I debated what would happen if I turned around and faced him, really faced him, for the first time in months. Running away was seemed a lot more appealing. But I'd done enough of the latter lately, so I took a deep, shaky breath, and turned around.

"Hi, Peeta."

My voice came out in a squeak, and I flushed. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to try again, but Peeta spoke first.

"What are you doing here?"

His hands were calloused and covered with grime, his face smudged with dirt and still lined with the same worry from last night. He looked ages older than he was. I was struck by how similarly he resembled the coal miners that once used to inhabit the same place we did. The thought made me sick.

"I-I wanted to apologize for last night," I tried. The look on his face told me immediately that that was not what he wanted to hear. He sighed tiredly, another gesture that reminded me too strongly of the miners, and turned back to the ruins of his bakery.

"You don't need to apologize, Katniss," he said as he walked through a charred structure that I believe was once the front door. My heart sunk. This was not how it was supposed to go.

"Wait." I scrambled up the ashen charcoal remains of the steps and instinctively grabbed his arm. An electric force with the power of ten thousand force fields and the sting of one million tracker jackers coursed through me. I recoiled immediately and was shocked to find that although my body temperature was soaring, the places where my flesh had touched his was achingly cold, numb, wanting the heat that came with touching him.

Peeta had frozen when I touched him and I was scared that he was having another flashback. But when he turned to face me I saw that his eyes were their normal striking blue, only this time they held something more, something so strong and passionate that I couldn't place it.

And that scared me more than anything.

"Come on," he murmured, gesturing for me to follow him. Inside the bakery was not as worse for wear as the outside. Though everything was burned and black, the ovens were still recognizable, as was the countertop on which I had placed me squirrels for trade thousands of times before.

We stood in silence, close but not touching, electricity buzzing between us.

"What has happened to us?" Peeta broke the silence with a choked whisper, and I was shocked to find his eyes glistening with tears.

I gaped at him, floundering for words that I didn't know how to say. The answer was a billion things all rolled into one. There wasn't one solitary thing or person to blame for our problems. The main ones would be Snow and the Capitol, surely. The Games, as well.

Me.

We both knew the answer to the question, but I didn't know what he wanted me to say. If he didn't want me to apologize there was only one thing left that I could do, that I should do. At the thought of it my breath hitched. I was never good at saying something, but saying _this_ seemed so insignificant, so unworthy of everything.

"Thank you," I breathed.

There was so much to thank him for, so much that I owed him still, that those two little words didn't seem like enough. I had to _do_ something, like he had done so much for me.

"Thank you for the bread, thank you for keeping me sane during both Games, thank you for coming back to me." The words came out in a rush, and I saw his hands start to twitch.

I grabbed them and felt the electric current go again, but I didn't let go. "Let me help you."

And he smiled the first real smile I'd seen in ages.

"Okay."


	4. Chapter Three

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**Here's Chapter Three. Enjoy!**

* * *

We sat on the floor of the bakery, our legs crossed, only the tips of our toes touching. Peeta told me about his plans to reopen the bakery. I watched the spark in his eyes grow bigger as he told me about the new ovens he is getting delivered and how he wants to open by the end of the summer. He's been baking from his kitchen until everything is ready.

I can't help but smile when he tells me that cheesy buns are becoming very popular with his customers.

"Katniss," he said seriously. "Cheesy buns are your favorite. Real or not real?"

"Real," I answered. I reached over and squeezed his fingers once. "You can…ask me more if you want. I meant it when I said I would help you."

The look on his face was so grateful that I didn't know how I could have ignored him for so long.

"Thank you, Katniss," he sighed, his shoulders sagging with relief. "I know this is hard for you; I'll only ask a few. I don't want to upset you-"

"Peeta." I held my hand up and silenced him. "Please, stop being so understanding. I _need_ to do this."

"Okay," he conceded. "Should we, uh, start now?"

"Sure." I tried to manage a smile to reassure him, but I think it just scared him more.

Peeta had his brow furrowed in concentration. "You used to trade squirrels with my father. Real or not real?"

"Real," I told him happily. "He used to give me bread for them."

"You always shot them right in the eye. Real or not real?"

I laughed lightly. "Real. Your father was impressed every time."

"He didn't really like squirrels, you know," Peeta said. "He traded for them, though, only because it was you."

My laughter stilled. "I know, Peeta," I said somberly. "I know. And I will be forever indebted to him because of that."

It was silent after that. I think Peeta thought that he had upset me, and maybe he had, but I wasn't about to put myself before him again. Those days were gone. From now until he doesn't want me anymore, Peeta Mellark will come first in my life.

Because really, who else to I have to care for anyway? Peeta is all that matters anymore.

Maybe he was all that mattered in the first place. He _was_ the one who kept me alive. I would've had to face him eventually, to thank him, because the uneasy feeling of debt would be lurking over me for the rest of my life if I didn't.

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?" I asked suddenly. My cheeks heated up when I saw Peeta's surprised face.

"Yes, Katniss," he said with a smile. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot actually."

I stood up and stretched my stiff limbs, offering my hand to Peeta so he could do the same. "We can finish 'Real or Not Real' while we eat. Do you have anything particular in mind?"

Peeta adjusted his prosthetic and took my hand. I pulled him to his feet, with much effort because of his size and my lack of muscles. Whatever weight I lost in my depression had returned somewhat, but my muscle mass was still depleted, whereas it looked like Peeta had sprouted even more muscles than he had before The Quell. I made a note to ask him about that later, if he wasn't in too bad of a mood.

"Anything you make will be fine," he told me once he stood. "I'll eat anything."

I chuckled lowly as we walked out of the bakery's remains. "You're sadly mistaken if you think I'm cooking. Greasy Sae has been cooking for me since I got back here. The best I can do is occasionally bring back some game or find some berries for a salad."

Peeta froze, and I was immediately on guard. "Peeta?" I asked timidly. "What's wrong?"

"You tried to kill me with nightlock berries in the Arena." His pupils were dilated and a sweat broke out on his brow. "Real or not real?"

"Not real, Peeta. Absolutely not real." He was hunched over, his fists clenched on his thighs. "We were going to eat them together, so there would be no victor. I wasn't going home without you, Peeta."

Peeta took a deep, shuddering breath before wiping the sweat away and standing up straight.

"You're right," he said. "Thank you, Katniss. I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I reached out to him and he jerked away. I bit back the feeling of rejection that stung me and pulled my hand back to my side. "I told you I want to help you. Was that…was that a flashback?"

"No," he shook his head disdainfully. "No, my flashbacks…they're still pretty violent. Some worse than others. You'll know one when you see one. That was just me trying to decipher the real memories from the shiny ones…from the 'Not Real's."

Peeta gave me a crooked grin when he was finished. I nodded in acceptance and we started again from the bakery, toward my home in Victor's Village.

Greasy Sae, much to my surprise, was stirring a pot in my kitchen when we walked in. We stopped in the doorway, blushing like reprimanded children when she gave us a wink and motioned to the table, where two plates sat next to two glasses filled with water.

"I figured there'd be two dinin' here tonight, sweat pea," Sae nodded to the pot. "Stew tonight."

"Thank you, Sae." I said graciously, as did Peeta. "What stew?"

"Do you really want to know what's in it?"

I laughed. "I suppose not. I'm sure you've made it taste fine, though."

"If it soothes the hunger ache in your belly, it'll do just fine." Sae spooned a chunky maroon substance onto our plates, and I caught a whiff of it. To my surprise, it actually smelt heavenly.

"Are you staying to eat, Sae?" Peeta asked. Greasy Sae shook her head and patted his cheek.

"I don't stay, honey. You'll be all the company Miss Everdeen needs."

I blushed the same shade as the stew and Peeta guffawed. Sae patted his cheek again and let herself out.

"This stew really is surprisingly good," Peeta commented after a few moments. I smirked up at him.

"You'd be surprised at what she can do with the most bizarre of ingredients. Though I learned long ago to only ask after I've digested."

"I'm sure it was rough to adjust to her cooking when you first came back to Twelve, huh?" Peeta joked. I hardened.

"No, actually." I said stiffly. "Greasy Sae used to give out some of her food to the kids in the Seam when we were starving. It was quite frequently, actually. I've been used to it for a while."

"Katniss, I'm sorry-"

"No, its okay," I amended. I hated the guilty expression on his face. It broke whatever was left of my heart.

"Really, Katniss," Peeta said softly. I looked up into his blue, blue eyes and my breath hitched. I internally cursed myself for having this reaction but I couldn't look away. "I didn't mean to be insensitive. I'm really sorry."

I reached across the table and opened my hand to him. He took it, squeezing it tight. His hand was warm and firm, but gentle over mine. I could feel the calluses, most likely a result from rebuilding the bakery, and incidentally his newfound muscles. I allowed myself to smile at him.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked suddenly.

I frowned. "I- I don't know. I guess-"

"No, you must know, Katniss, or else you wouldn't be. You don't do things without a reason."

I breathed heavily. "I'm being nice to you…because I don't want to be mean anymore."

Peeta tilted his head, confused. I squeezed his hand to let him know that it was alright, and he squeezed me back.

"I don't want to shut you out. I want to help you get better, and I think it will help me, too. I don't deserve your kindness, Peeta. I never have and I never will, but I want you to think of me as capable of being kind, too."

Peeta looked stunned. "Katniss," he said seriously, looking deep into my eyes. "Don't ever believe that you don't deserve me. That is completely false; it is in fact the opposite."

I opened my mouth to argue but he held up a hand.

"No, let me finish. I want us to be better, Katniss. I want us to be friends."

Friends.

I never thought of Peeta as a friend. My ally, my lover, my enemy, my only hope. Friend? I guess I never had much time for them.

I smile widely at him.

"I want us to be friends, too, Peeta."

Peeta grinned back and we continued to eat our stew, our hands still intertwined. I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of comfort being close to him gave me, and I couldn't help but begin to crave more. But we were friends, new friends.

And I was craving things that new friends definitely didn't do.

Maybe being friends with Peeta would be harder than I thought.


	5. Chapter Four

_There was fire. It engulfed the tree I was in completely only seconds after I noticed it. I jumped from my branch and I landed hard on my side. Groaning and choking on the smoke in the air, I squinted through the thick plumes that rose from the orange flames eating the trees._

"_Katniss!"_

_I forced myself up and hobbled through the flaming forest towards the source of the cry. It was coming from my right._

"_Katniss!" _

_Another, shriller cry came from my left. I froze and the pain in my ankle and shoulder increasing to a searing pound._

"_Katniss!" _

_A third cry, directly behind me this time. I whirled around. I shrieked when I saw it was Finnick, his flesh melting away as he was engulfed in flames. I stumbled away from him, crying, until I smacked into something._

"_Katniss, you let me die!"_

_This time it was Rue, her own dark skin slowly being melted away. _

"_Rue, no!" I cried. I reached for her and she opened her mouth and let out a ferocious roar, sending me flying backward._

"_You didn't save me either, Katniss!"_

_I opened my eyes to see Prim looming over me. Her sweet, innocent face was stained with tears. _

"_Why couldn't you help me? Didn't you love me?"_

"_I loved you so much, little duck!" I cried out. Her face hardened._

"_I died because of you!"_

_Then the fire swallowed her up and I was left to burn with my own screams and cries._

I woke up with a scream ripping its way out of my throat and warm hands caressing my shaking shoulders. My throat was raw but I kept screaming, and my eyes were blurry with tears. I screamed for Prim and Rue and Finnick and all the others that I couldn't save and that were dead because of me.

"Shh," Peeta said. "Shh, it wasn't real."

He doesn't tell me that it's okay. We both know that it isn't. Maybe one day it will be, maybe one day we will wake up by the light of the sun and fully rested, instead to the heavy darkness and each other's screams.

I managed to control my sobs and wiped my eyes roughly. "Did I wake you?" I asked pitifully. My voice cracked and I blushed. I hated how I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

"Yes," he told me. "But don't feel bad. I was having a nightmare myself. I'd rather be with you."

"They go away when you're here," I mumbled into his shirt. His hands stilled on my shoulders then moved to stroke my hair. I shuddered at the feelings that came with his touch. The memories of my nightmare flew away and although I'll never shake the horrors that I have seen I know that Peeta will forever be the only one who can make them bearable.

"We used to sleep together during the Victory Tour. Real or not real?"

My voice shook as I answered. "Real- to an extent. We never actually-"

"I know we never did anything," Peeta soothed. "It was for the nightmares, right? We stopped them for each other."

"Yes," I breathed. I inhaled him, loving the smell that was utterly Peeta. "Yes, we did."

I can't remember how long we laid there, a pile of entwined limbs and soothing words, until I felt myself drift off into the encompassing blankness of slumber.

When I woke I was tucked tightly under the blankets of my bed. I stretched, relishing in the fact that my second try at sleeping was dreamless. My fingers drifted over cool, untouched sheets and I shot up. _Where was Peeta_?

Dragging myself out of bed I padded silently downstairs. The kitchen was empty, as was the living room. I sat down and slumped on the kitchen table, beginning to think that last night never happened. There was no evidence of Peeta ever being here.

Then the front door opened, and the familiar heavy and uneven tread of Peeta started towards me. My heart leaped and I flew from my seat and into the living room. There he was, carrying a steaming loaf of what smelled like some type of cinnamon bread.

"Peeta!" I cried. He flashed me a grin and held out the bread.

"I tried a new cinnamon recipe. How do you feel about being my taste tester?"

I grabbed the loaf from him and placed it unceremoniously on the couch. I threw myself into his arms and squeezed him tightly. After a moment's hesitation I felt his arms wrap around me and squeeze me back.

"For what am I owed this greeting?" he says happily after a moment. I felt the heat rush to my face and I quickly let go of him. I picked up the bread and took it into the kitchen, burning with embarrassment.

_Where had that come from?_

"I-I don't know. I woke up and you weren't here and I thought-I thought-"

"You thought that I left you?" Peeta questioned. His mouth was set in a hard line and I was worried that I'd upset him.

"I thought that it wasn't real," I mumbled to the ground. My hair had fallen out of its braid and hung in messy snarls around my face. "I slept without any nightmares for the first time in months, Peeta. That was because of you."

I looked up now, into his beautiful blue eyes, wide with shock. "You keep them away. When you were gone, I thought that I'd have to face them again."

I didn't realize how selfish that sounded until the words were already out. Thankfully Peeta didn't look totally offended, but I could tell by the tightening around his eyes that my words didn't entirely please him.

"I had a flashback," he whispered. My heart thudded to a painful stop in my chest.

"I laid with you until you fell asleep. I was going to go back to my house after that. I didn't think you'd want me here-"

I tried to protest but he cut me off.

"I was about to leave and then I just…looked at you. You looked so peaceful, so content. I wondered what you could be dreaming about that could put such a serene look on your face, especially after the nightmare you just faced."

I grabbed his hand and held it tight as he told me. His eyes bore deep into mine as he spoke again.

"I wondered if maybe, by some stroke of twisted luck, you were dreaming about me."

I wished that I could tell him that I was. I wished that I could even _remember_ what I was dreaming about. From the way he was describing it, it seemed pretty worthwhile.

"What triggered your flashback?" I whispered to him.

"I'm not exactly sure. Something about that look on your face…at first it made me so happy, but then I started to feel completely enraged. Jealous, even. I was jealous that you got to be happy when I hadn't been for so long."

With each syllable I felt my heart crumble and burn and shrivel up to tiny, broken, irreparable pieces.

"I felt the flashback come on then. I managed to run from your room, and I think I made it to my house before I blacked out. I must have, because when I came to I was in the middle of my living room, surrounded by glass and ripped curtains."

"Oh, Peeta," I gasped. I surveyed his body for damage. The only discrepancy I could find besides the obvious burns that marred both of our bodies was a fresh scratch, about two inches long, on his right forearm. Without thinking, I bent down and pressed my lips to the scar. I heard his breath hitch and felt his arm tremble.

"Katniss," he breathed. I looked up into his perfect blue orbs and felt my fingertips tingle.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you."

Peeta pulled me in for a bear hug and crushed me to his strong chest. I felt his lips in my hair and I held him to me tight. He whispered promises of a better tomorrow and I listened with something that felt like hope fluttering in my chest.


	6. Chapter Five

**Sorry for the wait, my lovelies. Here is Chapter Five!**

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**Two Weeks Later**

I said goodbye to Peeta after dinner with a tight hug and a promise of cheese buns for breakfast. I can't help but feel a tug in my heart every time he leaves. I tell myself it's because I dread the nightmares that are soon to follow. They happen every night, and every night without fail Peeta runs from his house and is there to wake me from them and hold me until I fall back to sleep. He always goes home after I fall asleep, though he does come back in the morning. Sometimes he is making breakfast when I wake, and sometimes, if it's late in the morning, he is in town working on the bakery after leaving me breakfast on the table.

I haven't worked up the nerve to ask him to stay the night yet.

I try and convince myself that it's just so the nightmares stop, because I know he has them, too. He doesn't talk about them much; he just says that they stop when he knows I'm okay. My own self-hatred increases tenfold whenever I'm around him, but lately letting he out of my sight has been harder and harder.

I shower and dress in my bedclothes, then braid my hair and tuck myself in to bed. I clutch the sheets as I fade away, and when the nightmare begins any shred of hope for a peaceful sleep dies.

_The smell of ashes and coal fills my nose. I was in an elevator, or more like a rickety wooden frame descending into one of the mine shafts. I could already feel my heart start to pound against my ribcage. I was alone in the elevator, and when I looked down I was met with a shock. Even in the dim, flickering lights I was surprised to see myself in my wedding dress from the interview with Caesar Flickerman, before The Quell._

_The elevator shudders to a stop and the doors creak open. I peak my head out of the door, tentatively, not knowing what to expect. I had never been in the mines before, so I was definitely wary of whatever was lurking in the dank, murky darkness._

_There was a passageway carved out of the rock that probably went on for miles, but because of the poor lighting I could only see a few feet away from my face. I could feel something in my stomach, and warm but unpleasant clenching right in my ribcage that told me I need to go forward. It also told me that I wouldn't like what I would find._

_The flickering light seemed to stay with me as I walked. I looked back at the elevator only to find it gone, replaced by foreboding nothingness. The light that was guiding me was actually my dress, the ends of it slowly curling and burning with each step I took. I paused to wonder how long it would be before the flames disintegrated the whole dress, most likely burning me with it._

"_I must have loved you a lot."_

_Peeta stepped out from the shadows. He was wearing his chariot costume from the first Games, and his own flickering flames mixed with mine, intertwining and swirling together._

"_I must have really, truly cared for you to keep letting you hurt me."_

_I didn't know how to answer. I wasn't going to play dumb, or let him know that I knew how cruel I had been to him. It had barely started and I just wanted this nightmare to be over._

"_I never wanted to hurt you, Peeta."_

_He laughs at me, his face turning cold. "Oh, really? I could tell by the way you played me in front of an entire nation, when every single one of your kisses meant _nothing_."_

"_No, Peeta, that's not true-" I reached out to him, but he swatted my hand away. _

"_Isn't it?" I turned to find Gale standing behind me, arms crossed, clad in his District Thirteen-issued gear. "I thought it was all for the audience, Catnip. The sponsors?"_

"_Some of it," I tried feebly. "Peeta, please, I didn't mean to-"_

"_Ahhh!" Peeta cried out. Our mixed flames had crawled up his arms and were licking at his face. "Stop them, make it stop!" _

"_Peeta!" I reached for him again, but a spiral of fire shot out and coiled itself around my arm. I screamed as my flesh charred and burned, all while watching Peeta grab at his face which was now a disfigured mess of melting flesh._

"_Gale, help him!" I yelled. Gale just gave me a triumphant smirk and produced a small black square from his pocket. _

"_We could've been so happy, Catnip," he said before he pressed a button._

_Then the parachutes fell._

"No, No, NO! PEETA!" I screamed. I sat up in bed, slick with sweat and tears. Peeta came flying through my door a few seconds later, and his arms encircled me in an instant.

"Katniss, shh, it's okay. I'm here, it's okay." His strong hands rubbed my back and he whispered soothing words into my hair. My shaking didn't stop, and neither did my sobs or screams. The dreams have been getting worse each night.

"You were on fire," I whispered to him, "and Gale was there."

His hands stilled, but only for a second, and then they started moving again, with more vigor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I gulped in mouthfuls of air and tried to even out my breathing. "You-you were so right. You told me th-that I've been hurting you and I-I have, and I'm so sorry for everything,"

"You don't need to apologize, Katniss," Peeta said, but this time I silenced him.

"No, listen. I've been horrible to you, and I'm so terribly sorry for all the pain I've caused. I don't know why you're even here now-"

Peeta tipped my face up and quickly pressed his lips to mine. My next words caught in my throat. I froze completely, and he pulled back.

"I'm here because you're what I need to get better."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. I probably looked horrendous. "I want to help you getter," I said.

"Then please, let me kiss you again." Peeta whispered brokenly.

I gave him a small smile. "Okay."

There was ice and fire waging a war through my veins. My body was numb but at the same time alight with pure happiness and Peeta once again lowered his mouth to mine and captured my lips.

He was warm and it made my smile on his lips. Our kisses were salty with my tears and I realized after a moment that he was crying to. I pulled back and took his hand in mine, desperate for his touch.

"You let me kiss you," he breathed, "real or not real?"

I laughed softly and this time pressed my lips to his, hard. "Real."

'Will you stay?" I asked him. "With me?"

Peeta didn't need to answer. His fingers wove themselves into my hair and we fell onto the pillows. His kisses told me my answer.

_Always_.

* * *

**I hope Katniss wasn't too OOC in this chapter. This chapter was hard for me to write, although I can't pinpoint an exact reason. :/ I think it's just because my mind was in a weird place, and I had read another fanfic that had her slightly more...affectionate, and I was stuck in that mode.**

**Let me know how it was, or if I should change anything. Do you guys like where this is going?**

**Thank you for reading. :)**


	7. Chapter Six

**Thanks to Richinlove for helping me out with this chpater! Hope you guys enjoy. :)**

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The morning brought rain and thus resulted in the cease of reconstruction of the bakery. Since hunting was out of the question, it looked like it Peeta and I would be stuck in the house all day. When I woke up to the thundering of the water on the roof I was dejected, until I felt a stir beside me. Peeta rolled over and threw an arm around my waist.

A surprised yelp from me was all it took to wake him, and with a startled grunt he was sitting up, scanning the room for any threats.

"What? Katniss, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said shakily, discomfited by my lack of positive reaction to physical contact. "You just surprised me."

"Oh, I'm sorry," He went to move his arm but I wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled it back down.

"No, keep it there," I said. "I don't mind."

His arm was tense as it was draped over my midsection; as if he relaxed and held me he was scared that I would push him away. When he finally relaxed, I swallowed a sigh, and when he pulled me against him, I smiled into the pillow.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked me, just as I was drifting back to sleep. I stretched and rolled over to face him. I allowed him a small smile, for which he returned with a large own of his own. I felt a tickle in my abdomen, right behind my ribcage, and a feeling of warmth spread through me.

"I kind of like what we did last night," I said quietly, looking at him from beneath my eyelashes. Kissing him last night had given me courage, and by the look on his face when I spoke I can guess that he enjoyed kissing me as much as I did him.

"What do you mean?" he asked coyly. I rolled my eyes when he pressed a kiss to my collarbone, then my neck. "This?"

A kiss to my jaw.

"This?"

Behind my earlobe.

"Or this?"

The corner of my mouth, barely brushing my lips. I was panting now, my fingers tingling and my skin flushing with the fire he lit. A part of me was furious with him for being able to get such a reaction so quickly from me, who just a few short weeks ago had been barely a shell of a person. He made me feel vulnerable.

But another part of me wanted to smile, because regardless of my vulnerability, it was Peeta who was healing me, who has always healed me, and who was helping me to live again.

He was helping me to survive.

"No," I told him, smirking. I ran my fingers through his thick blonde locks and pulled his face mere centimeters away from mine. I smiled against his lips. "This."

And then we kissed, for the hundredth time in the last few hours, and I felt more alive than I had in years.

* * *

I watched Peeta work in the kitchen, leaning against the wall and nursing a mug of the ever delicious hot chocolate. He was a meticulous worker, everything precise and even. I didn't know what he was making, but I was secretly hoping it was cheesy buns.

Cheesy buns for breakfast. I couldn't think of anything better.

"Katniss," he called me, looking up from the kneading of the dough. I raised my eyebrows, and he motioned with a floury hand to come to him.

"Give me your hands."

I glanced down at my hot chocolate, not even halfway empty, and then back up at him. He laughed, and gestured to me again.

"I'll make you a thousand cups of hot chocolate, Katniss. Just give me your hands."

Sighing, I placed the mug on the counter, where I knew it would inevitably cool and loose all its appeal. He better make me a thousand cups.

"You know I can't bake, Peeta," I said as I walked towards him. He just shook his head.

"I am an _excellent_ teacher," he told me, winking. I rolled my eyes.

He pulled me in front of him, and I let Peeta's large, strong, albeit flour covered hands cover mine and guide me toward the mound of dough. It was squishy and pliable under my hands, and slightly moist. Peeta helped me mold the dough into what I assumed was the appropriate form, and then he let me go.

"See! You can do it just fine, Katniss. Do the same thing, but with this dough," he told me, placing a new lump in front of me. He walked away, and I grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going?"

"Relax, Katniss," he laughed. He started towards the refrigerator, and produced a hunk of cheese. "I'm just getting the cheese."

So we were making cheese buns. I allowed myself an internal smile before I blushed. "Oh. Good."

As Peeta prepared the cheese, I tried to work whatever magic I had on the new lump in front of me, but I failed miserably. When Peeta saw my attempt, he tried to stifle a laugh. I scowled.

"I can't do it," I whined pettily. Peeta shook his head and returned to his position behind me. His hands covered mine again, and together we created a new shape.

"I can't do it without you-_oh_,"

Peeta's lips had somehow found their way to the exposed skin where my shoulder met my neck. His kissed and nibbled lightly at the spot there, all the while still kneading the dough. His lips traveled up my neck into the hollow behind my ear, and I lost whatever control I had of the dough.

"What- what are you do-doing?" I managed to gasp.

"What I want," he whispered lowly before kissing the shell of my ear. I let out a whimper, then immediately slapped a hand over my mouth. How could he elicit such a sound from me?

"I thought we-we were ma-making cheesy buns," I said through my pants. Peeta's hands gripped my hips and spun me around so I was flush against him. I gulped.

His crystal blue eyes bore into mine with a ferocity I had never seen before. It didn't scare me. Instead, it made my toes curl and my fingertips tingle. He crushed his mouth to mine and I let out a low moan.

"Still want to make the cheesy buns?" he whispered against my lips.

"They can wait," I whispered back, and pulled him to me again.

* * *

The cheesy buns, when we- _Peeta_-got around to finish making them, about an hour later, were delicious. We ate them on the couch in the living room, legs tangled and hands intertwined. It was new, being with Peeta like this. Being _real._

I wanted it. I was done pretending, for anyone. Kissing Peeta was familiar, only because of all the times we had done it for an audience, but kissing him now was so many things. Familiar, comforting, passionate, but most of all, _real_.

I finished my fourth cheesy bun just as Peeta finished his second, but I refused to be embarrassed. I had spent my entire life hungry, and I wasn't going to be ashamed of eating what I had when I had it.

"I'm glad you liked them," Peeta observed. I stuck my tongue out at him and reach for another, but he captured my hand in his.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night," he told me, "After…"

"After we kissed." I finished for him. A faint twinge of pink touched his cheeks.

"Yeah."

"I like kissing you." His eyes widened at my bluntness.

"I've always liked kissing you," he replied. Then, jokingly, he added. "You've gotten better at it."

I hit his arm and gaped at him in mock-shock. "Peeta!"

He laughed, and held up his arms in surrender. "Kidding, kidding! You were always good at it."

I grinned and relaxed on his chest. "You were my first kiss, you know."

"I know," he said into my hair. "I'm glad I was. Even if it was for an audience and I was half-dead."

I shoved away the guilty part of me, refusing to soil this day. "For someone half-dead you weren't too bad yourself."

"Yeah," he laughed. "And with all the kissing we've done, we're probably close to perfect by now."

I wove my fingers into his hair again. "Well, you know what they say."

He arched an eyebrow questioningly. "What?"

I smirked. "Practice makes perfect."

And practice we did.

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**Feel free to ask me any questions on my tumblr, the link is on my profile, but the url is the same as my username. I will discuss any and all things Hunger Games, as well as any other books/movies you guys like. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-justafewobsessions**


	8. Chapter Seven

**Sorry if the last chapter was a bit too fluffy for some of your tastes, I've been itching to write some true Everlark for a while and I needed to get that out. Plus, I thought you guys deserved some, especially because of this chapter. Enjoy!**

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Despite yesterday's storm, the following morning was bright and cloudless, and the fact that I had yet again slept without nightmares only enhanced my mood tenfold. Peeta's side of the bed, as I had come to refer to it with a smile, was empty and cold when my fingers stretched for it. It was to be expected, though. I'm sure when Peeta woke to the beautiful morning he was eager to continue with the reconstruction of the bakery.

I dressed in my hunting attire, with plans to head into the woods to catch some fresh game for dinner. When I stepped outside the height of the sun told me it was a little after eight o'clock, a bit later than I usually would go out but earlier than most residents in town. Whatever inhabitants had moved back normally woke around eight or nine, but the streets and shops weren't packed, or at least as full as the population allowed, until ten.

I'm sure once the bakery was up and running everyone would rise earlier, as they had before…everything.

At the thought of the bakery, I veered right instead of left and headed for town, bow in hand and quiver on my back, deciding to give Peeta a good morning and maybe…_practice_ a little more.

When I was a few minutes away from the site, I spotted one of the men who were helping Peeta; I think his name was Mica, clad in an all-white suit with ivory boots that strikingly reminded me of a Peacekeeper. He had a big white hood with a clear plastic square over his face, toting a lethal looking contraption in his gloved hands.

"Hey, Katniss!" he yelled when he saw me. I waved and jogged over to him, but angled myself away from the mechanism.

"Mica, what's going on?" I asked when I reached him. I gestured to the contraption and he waved it excitedly. I ducked to escape getting hit in the face.

"Oh! Sorry, Katniss. This thing? Well, I forget the name for it but it just came straight from the Capitol. After Peeta left the other night, some guys were still hanging around and we found this hive in the section we hadn't started cleaning yet."

My blood ran cold. A hive.

"What hive?" I hissed.

"Tracker jackers! I didn't think any could have survived after…you know, the bombing, but I guess they decided to nest in the rubble. Anyway, we're going to take of it this morning with this thing- hey! Where are you going?"

But I was already far gone. I was sprinting for the bakery as fast as my legs could carry me. The closer I got the more I saw of men in white uniforms, some with bigger machines than others. I willed my legs to move faster.

"Peeta!" I cried as I ran closer. I reached the rubble and barged past the men trying to hold me back. "Peeta!"

I ran behind a pile of rubble ten feet high that was the remains of one of the bakery's walls. Then I saw him. He was standing there, in front of the hive. My mind immediately flashed back to the first Games, when I dropped the nest on him and the Careers. Guilt surged through me, but it intensified when Peeta turned and faced me.

"Katniss," he whispered brokenly. I could see the conflicting emotions in his face; sadness, anger, and fear. I grabbed his arm and pulled him close.

"Not real, Peeta. Not real," I whispered while stroking his hair. I felt his muscles start to tense, and then his arms were gripping my shoulders so hard that I cried out.

"Katniss," he moaned lowly, bowing his head and closing his eyes tightly. "Run. Get away from me." But his actions said otherwise. He gripped me tight and snapped his head up. His eyes were completely black, and I felt a scream bubble up in my throat.

Just as I opened my mouth, one of his large hands clamped down firmly on it. No one could see us behind the wall of rubble, and now it looked like no one would hear us, either. If I couldn't alert someone to our situation soon, I'm fairly certain Peeta will hurt me- or worse.

"You dropped the hive on me during the Games, didn't you? You wanted to kill me?" he hissed in my face. I tried to shake my head, but he kept in firmly in one place.

"And you put one here to finish the job!" He jabbed a finger in the direction of the nest. I noticed a few tracker jackers swirled around. I hope that neither one of us would get stung, but more Peeta than me. If got stung I'm not sure what would happen, but my guess is that he would relapse or, in the worst case, die.

"Didn't you? _DIDN'T_ _YOU_?"

Peeta shoved me away from him and I fell hard onto the debris. I cried out in pain, and I heard the low murmur of voices coming closer.

But so did Peeta and he smiled evilly. "Don't worry," he told me. "You'll die before they can get close enough."

Then he pounced on me.

I tried to roll away, but a pain in my side made that impossible. He landed on me hard and I cried out again. His hands found my throat and tightened, and my cries came out as tiny, weak, imperceptible gasps.

"Peeta, please," I choked out. "Not real. Not real."

But he only squeezed tighter, until black spots danced in my vision and a ringing started I my ears. Just as I lost consciousness, I felt the thundering of footsteps growing closer, heard a muffled yelling, and then Peeta's hands were released from my throat.

I gasped for air brokenly, coughing and shaking and sputtering. I focused on Peeta being restrained by men in the white suits. He craned his head around them and saw me, his eyes now their normal blue. They widened.

"Katniss! Katniss, what happened?" I could only gasp at him, clawing at my throat as if it would help the air flow through. I coughed, and looked down to find my palm covered in blood and my mouth tasting like copper.

"Katniss! Hey, let go of me she needs help-"

Then Mica was in front of me, his face lined with worry. "Katniss, are you oka-Oh, no." He saw the blood. "Oh, damn it. We have to get her to a doctor!"

"Katniss!" Peeta cried again. Tears were running down his face as the men who were restraining him dragged him away. He let them take him. "Katniss, I'm so-I'm so, so sorry," he sobbed.

Mica scooped me up into his arms. I coughed up more blood, some making it onto his shirt. I could barely manage the apologetic look I gave him before I blacked out.

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**Mwahaha. I had to. Let me know your thoughts and opinions! Thank you so much for reading.**

**-justafewobsessions**


	9. Chapter Eight

_Sorry for the late update, I've had limited computer access. Here you go!_

It has been a week since I have seen Peeta.

It's not like I could have, anyway, because I've been under constant surveillance from either Haymitch or Greasy Sae, who won't allow anyone in or out of my house besides themselves and District Twelve's new physician, Dr. Jerome, who came from District Seven.

I was diagnosed with minor internal damage to my esophagus, which explained the blood, which should take about a month to heal. I've been given a notepad on which I have to communicate, since talking is severely frowned upon by the doctor, as is anything other than liquids and small meals for the next few weeks.

I've only written a few things on the notepad, all generally the same, but when Haymitch arrived this morning to relieve Greasy Sae, I held the book out to him.

_Where is Peeta?_

He looks at the pad for a long while before grunting and shaking his head. "He's not in trouble, if that's what you mean."

I arched an eyebrow.

"The boys working on the construction of the bakery were able to subdue him, and the one-Mica?- was able to bring you to Dr. Jerome. He called me, and after we got you home, I went in search for the boy.

"He wasn't at his house, so I naturally went down to the site, where Mica found me. Apparently Peeta told him about the hijacking and his flashbacks right after he attacked you, but he told Mica to tell me that he was laying low for a while."

_What does that mean?_ I wrote frantically.

"It means, sweetheart, that he feels guilty and is avoiding you."

Haymitch let himself into my kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets. He produced a bottle of whiskey and sat down at the table.

_I want to see him._

"No way," Haymitch laughed. Not until you're fully healed and he's more stable. I know he's trying- Mica said he doubled his phone sessions with Dr. Aurelius- but he's still too dangerous.

_BUT IT WASN'T HIS FAULT._ I wrote in big, thick letters.

"Sorry, sweetheart," Haymitch said between gulps of liquor, "but I don't think you'll be seeing him for a long time."

The moonlight streamed in through the open windows of my bedroom, a habit I've picked up from Peeta. It was a little after midnight, and Sae had come to relieve Haymitch an hour ago. I had already been upstairs, pretending to sleep, and I could hear her now shuffling around the kitchen, probably making herself a snack.

They really shouldn't trust me this much, or at least not Sae. Haymitch was too clever, but Sae was a bit more kindhearted. This would be easy. I waited until I heard the hum of my television before throwing off my bedcovers and tiptoe-ing across the room to my window.

I was out and shimmying down the side of the house soundlessly in a few seconds. When Sae had came, I overheard Haymitch telling her that Peeta had been staying at Mica's house at the other side of town as means of avoiding me.

That was maybe a two minutes' jog from my house, now that District Twelve was less than half its size. I didn't care that I was in my nightclothes- flannel pants and a baggy tee with thin black slippers- and clutching my notepad to my chest. The streets of the District were dead, everyone in bed for the night.

I made it to Mica's house in record time. I didn't even need to think- the population was so low that everyone knew where everyone lived.

The light was on in Mica's living room, and I heard mumbles. I ducked behind the side. I heard Peeta's voice, and my heart jumped in my chest. It sounded like he was saying goodnight, and then a heard footsteps walking away.

I decided to risk it. I peeked my head around the corner and looked into the window. Peeta was making up a bed on the couch, his back to the window. Heart pounding furiously, I climbed up the front steps and tried the doorknob. It wasn't locked.

With a deep breath, knowing this could either go over fabulously or horrible, I pushed open the door.

Peeta whirled around, and his jaw dropped open. "Katniss," he breathed.

I held up the notepad shyly in front of my face. _Hi_.

He wasn't attacking me, which had to be good. He actually looked...afraid.

"You shouldn't be here, Katniss. I'm not safe."

_I trust you_. I wrote.

A pained expression crossed his face. "Look at you, you can't even talk. I'm so sorry-"

I crossed the room and took his hand in mine. He flinched away, but I only gripped him tighter. I stared into his eyes, his so full of pain and remorse, and brushed a strand of hair from his face. I let my hand rest flat on his cheek, and he leaned into it.

"I am so sorry, Katniss. So, so sorry."

I offered him a small smile, and then let go of his hand to write on my notepad.

_Kiss me. Please._

And he smiled wider than I've seen him in a long time. Then slowly, painfully slowly, he leaned down, and pressed his lips to mine.

And I felt like I could fly.

**SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE GUYS! Let me know if you liked it and give me suggestions for the next chapter! :]**


	10. Chapter Nine

**I AM SO SORRY. I don't have a computer right now and I am a lot busier than usual. Things should calm down for me during the next couple weeks an hopefully I'll be able to update more. **

***On a side note, would anybody read if i posted some Everlark lemons? It's an idea I've been toying with for a while, and I have a few ideas but am not sure if I should...**

**Anyway, here is Chapter Nine! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

The summer was just beginning and the air was thick and hot. I woke up with a thin layer of sweat covering my body and a heavy arm around my waist. Peeta was still asleep, snoring softly into the pillow and his arm keeping me pressed to him. I smiled softly, for I hadn't had a nightmare in almost a week.

My throat was completely healed, but Peeta still didn't want me talking too loud or too much. It was silly really, but I complied knowing that he felt extremely guilty and just wanted to make sure I was okay again.

Construction on the bakery was almost complete, and it was set to open in three weeks, on the first day of July. Peeta had refused to let me see the inside, although the outside structure was mostly the same. However, instead of the boring, bland building District Twelve used to have, the bakery was painted sunshine yellow with a dark green trim that looked happy even in a rain storm.

Peeta's grip on my waist tightened and his eyes shot open. I met them with a smile that he returned, but there was a look in his eye that made my lips dip into a frown.

"Peeta?" His eyes lost the look and he smiled wide at me, then placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully.

"Good morning," I answered. "You had a strange look in your eye just now. Did you have a nightmare?"

"A nightmare? No, I slept fine." Peeta shook his head and sat up. He as well was sticky with the sweat of the morning. His thin white tee was clinging to his chest. I gulped and, blushing, looked away. However, I didn't miss the tone in his voice.

"Then what's wrong, Peeta? I can tell that you're hiding something."

He sighed and stood from the bed. "I don't want to upset you, Katniss."

"I don't want you hiding things from me, Peeta. Tell me."

Peeta's bright blue eyes bore into mine, and my heart fluttered. "I had a dream…about Prim."

My throat constricted and I felt tears prick at my eyes at the mention of my little duck. I choked out a gasp but refused to let the tears spill. Peeta was instantly by my side, cupping my face and kissing my cheeks.

"Shh, shh, I'm sorry. Don't cry, Katniss, please. It was a good dream, it was a good dream."

"A good dream?" I asked, my voice cracking. Peeta nodded furiously.

"Yes, Katniss. It was a very good dream. She was happy and smiling and she looked so beautiful."

"Tell me about it," I whispered. "Tell me, please."

Peeta pressed a kiss to my lips and smiled. "Okay."

"_It was before the Quell. I was at the bakery and she came in asking for one of the cupcakes in the window. I asked her which one and she said she wanted the pink one with white frosting and red heart-shaped sprinkles. I told her to take it, no charge. She, of course, refused, but I insisted. _

_She picked it up and took a huge bite, and even got a bit of frosting on her nose. I laughed and she wiped it off, a bit embarrassed, but then told me about how you would always lick off the icing before eating the cupcake. She made me promise not to tell you how weird she thought it was, especially since the two of you rarely had the opportunity to eat them. I promised that I would keep my lips sealed and offered her one to take home to you. _

'_Oh, no, she would never accept it," Prim said._

_I laughed and put one in a bag for her and told her, 'If she says no, tell her that she has to bring it back to me herself and give me a reason why.'_

_Prim laughed, a sound that reminded me of bells chiming, and said, 'I'll tell her that. Although she'd be a fool to turn down your delicious cupcakes!'_

_And then she ran around the counter and hugged me tight, and it shocked me, but I still wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her back. Then she ran out the door, but when she got outside, she waved at me through the window. I waved back, and she smiled wide, and yelled, 'She loves you, Peeta! Don't forget it!'"_

Tears were streaming down my face now, but my face wore a smile. It made me so happy to hear about Prim without the associations of death and destruction. I pulled Peeta to me and captured his lips with mine. I kissed him hard until neither of us could breathe, and then pulled away but still kept close enough where I could feel his breath on my nose.

"Thank you, Peeta. Thank you for letting me see her like that." I kissed him again, and his hands found my waist and pulled me flush against him.

"You're welcome," he murmured between kisses. After another minute, I suddenly stopped and pulled away, putting my hands on his chest. Peeta gave me an adorable pout, but I pressed a finger to his lips.

"I have an idea."

"You do?" he mumbled against my finger.

"Yes!" I was excited now. "I want to remember her like that, Peeta. Happy. _Alive._"

"Okay," Peeta said. "Where are you going with this?"

"Do you remember the plant book we made?" I asked exuberantly. A spark flickered in his eyes and I knew he knew where I was going. "I want to make another one, only in this one we'll put all of our loved ones, everyone we lost and want to remember. You can draw them and I'll write- Peeta, this is just what I need! This is just what _we_ need to get better."

Peeta stared at me for a moment before wrapping his arms around me and spinning me around the room. I screamed and gripped him tightly before he put me down and crushed his lips to mine.

"I am so proud of you," he whispered. "You're right, this is what we need. It will be tough, you know that right?"

I nodded. "I know. I'm ready. I want to do this."

Peeta kissed me again, and I smiled against his lips. I lost track of time with his lips against mine, but soon enough we had to disentangle ourselves and he had to go to the bakery. He went to shower and I went to gather my hunting gear, and we met again at the door to say our goodbyes.

"I'll try to catch some squirrels today," I told him.

"Good. I'm testing out the ovens to make sure they're all functioning properly. If they are we might even open ahead of time." Peeta said with a proud smile. He kissed me again before opening the door. "I'll be home by six."

And he was gone. I headed out to the woods, wear I shot three squirrels and two large water fowl. I dragged them back home and went straight to my backyard to skin them and prep them for dinner. By the time I was done it was a quarter to six, so I decided to shower and await Peeta's arrival.

Just as I was drying off, I heard the front door open and close. I wrung out my hair and left it down, threw on some clothes and ran down the stairs.

Peeta had his back to me, fussing over a box on the kitchen table. He spun when he heard me approach and hurled a 100-watt smile my way.

"Hey. How were the ovens?" I asked. He held up the box and I peered in, the gasped.

"They all worked great. I tested them with a batch of cupcakes and, well, decided to take one home for you."

There, nestled in the small box, was a pink cupcake with white frosting and red heart sprinkles.

With a shaking hand, I picked it up and brought it to my lips. My tongue shot out and swiped the icing off a corner. I let out a small moan; it was delicious. I licked all the icing off the top before taking a bite into the pink cupcake. In seconds I was licking my fingers and Peeta was looking amused.

"I guess Prim was right about the icing," he said with a smirk. I looked down at my middle finger, which still had a bit of icing left on it. I smirked too, and before he could react I swiped it across his nose.

Cackling maniacally, I raced up the stairs. I could hear his heavy footsteps behind me, and soon he had his arms around me. Peeta pinned me to a wall and place both hands on opposite sides of my head. He looks ridiculous with the icing on his nose and a "mean" expression on his face.

Cautiously, I leaned forward and place a kiss on the tip of his nose, reclaiming the icing. Peeta looked shocked and amused as I licked my own lips. His hands slid from the wall to cup my face, and mine did the same.

"The icing wasn't the only thing she was right about," I whispered before pulling him to me.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Hello, my lovelies! It's been a while, I know. :( I'm very sorry for that. This is sort of a filler chapter for what is to come. I wanted you guys to have something to read and this helped segue into the main themes of the next two chapters. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

When the paper arrived, a stack of one hundred pages, I couldn't help the shakes that wracked my body. I began to second guess myself. Could I- _we_ really do this? Could Peeta and I relive every horrific moment of our lives so a few good memories prevailed?

"We can do it, Katniss."

I looked up from the blank pages. Peeta sat across from me at the kitchen table. The small comment from him reinforced my strength and I blushed, chagrined, even though he couldn't hear my thoughts. I knew that he knew I was doubting myself, doubting us, but he still stood by my side.

I reached across the table and took hold of his hand. He gave mine a gentle squeeze.

"I know we can," I told him.

We decided to start small. Peeta brought out a miniature paint set and I wrote his name on the top of the page, as neatly as I could.

**BOGGS.**

I left space at the top for Peeta to draw him, and began writing. I wrote about how he saved me from the bombing in District Eight, his impeccable posture, and how he met his unfortunate death. I finished with a shaky breath and Peeta quickly sketches his face.

"I'll give him more detail later. I want you to keep writing while you're still up to it," Peeta explains. I nod and turn the page.

We go through a few more before I start to feel a breakdown. I wrote about the tributes from the first Games, the ones whose names I didn't know. Shockingly, Peeta was able to remember all of their faces, and he even added a detail now and then. I was able to get to Marvel before I had to stop, because my mind was filled with images of Rue.

I put the pencil down and let the tears flow free. I hated crying. I didn't know how many times I would have to cry before I was all out of tears.

"Shh, Katniss," Peeta soothed. He enveloped me in his arms and rocked me to and fro on the couch. I sobbed into his shirt for the umpteenth time, and he stayed with his arms around me. He was my rock, my constant. Despite his own instability, he stays here, with me.

"Shh, you did so well, Katniss. You did so well."

"I need to go to bed," I croaked out. Peeta scooped me up into his arms and carried me up the stairs. I was asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

I didn't dream of Prim. I didn't dream of Rue, or Finnick, or Cinna. I dreamt of my father. I hadn't dreamt of him in a long time, and it startled me.

_"Katniss."_

_We were in the woods. I was watching myself, my younger self, learn how to shoot. I had a bow in my hands, and my father was holding an arrow in his. _

_"Are you paying attention, Katniss?"_

_My younger self nodded fervently. My father placed the arrow in my hands, helped me align it, and then helped me hold up the bow. There was a big X carved into the trunk of the nearest tree. _

_"I want you to aim for the X, Katniss," he told me. He guided my arm back, making sure my fingers curled correctly over the string. "Aim for the X."_

_I watched myself take a deep breath, close my eyes, and release the string. The arrow whizzed forward and lodged itself in the tree._

_A good three feet above the target. _

_My face fell into a pout and I glared at the offending object. My father, on the other hand, let out a hearty laugh. _

_"Well done, Katniss! Well done!" _

_My younger self whirled around to face him, aghast. "Well done? Dad, I _missed_."_

_"That's true," he conceded with a smile. "But on my first try, I didn't even hit the tree."_

It was still dark outside when I felt my eyes flutter open. I didn't wake with a start. I just opened my eyes, letting my mind slowly wake from the confines of my dream. It felt nice, it felt...almost normal. I hadn't felt normal in a while.

"Are you awake?" I heard from beside me. I rolled over to face Peeta, who was looking at me with worry. I smiled, and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Thank you," I whispered to him before kissing him again.

"For what?" he muttered against my lips.

My fingers tangled in his blonde locks. They were getting long, curling a bit at the edges and touching the tips of his ears. "For being my best friend."

He pulled back from me, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me dead in the eye.

"You mean that?" he asked. "I'm not just here because there's no one else?"

"You are here because I need you. You're here because we need each other. You're here because I care about you more than anyone else in this world and I couldn't bear to have you anywhere else." Other words danced across my tongue but I bit them back. Instead, I decided to kiss him again.

"You're my best friend, too, Katniss," Peeta told me. he didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. He's said enough words over the past three years to ensure me that I held a spot near and dear in his heart.

So we kissed. We kissed because there were no other words that I could say that expressed how I felt in that moment. There was only the feeling of his lips on mine and the flip-flopping of my stomach and the promise that he would be there in the morning.

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**Well, there you go. :) It wasn't anything overly exciting, but just wait for the next two chapters! I have big things planned, but if you guys have any ideas please let me know. My PM inbox is always open, and so is my Tumblr [ .com ]. And, of course, reviews are always appreciated! **


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Sorry if this is a bit short, I just needed to get it up so I can continue with the story. Here you go!**

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The morning came, as it always did. Peeta tended to the bakery's reconstruction and I checked my traps in the woods. I came home at noon to find an effervescent Peeta sitting at the table in the kitchen at my house, and run into his arms.

"Hello," I mumbled into his shirt. He tucks me away into his chest.

"Hi."

"What's the occasion?" I ask. "You're normally at the bakery until five."

"I couldn't wait," he tells me. "I couldn't focus, so the guys told me to leave."

I frowned, puzzled. "Is something wrong?"

"No, Katniss," Peeta laughed. "It's just that, I've been thinking about this for a while and-" He stopped himself, and I could feel panic rising in my chest.

"Peeta, tell me!" I urged.

"I just...was wondering if you wanted to move in," Peeta said, shyly. "With me."

My breath caught in my throat and I didn't speak. Rejection immediately flashed in Peeta's eyes and he hung his head.

"It's okay if you don't want to. I just figured that with the memories of your sister here you might want a change...Please don't feel pressured, it was just a thought. You know what? Forget it. Forget I said anythi-"

"Yes."

"-ing."

Peeta's mouth hung agape, and I chuckled. "Yes, Peeta, I'll move in with you."

"Really?" The sparkle in his eyes made me beam, and I kissed him sweetly.

"Really."

I started packing the next day. I was eager to go, and until Peeta had offered his house I didn't realize how much I wanted to leave mine.

"You don't have to forget about it Katniss," Peeta said. "It's pretty hard to, since it's one of the only houses in Victor's Village. But still."

"I know what you mean," I assured him as I threw my shirts into a box. Peeta picked up each one and folded it properly before replacing it in the box. "I won't forget. But it will be nice to be in a place where I'm not scared to open any doors, you know?"

Within two days I was fully moved in, and to celebrate Peeta made me two entire plates of cheesy buns and a mug of the delicious hot chocolate, one of the very few perks of having been in the Capitol.

We ate them feverishly, as if we hadn't eaten in months, and then lounged together on the couch discussing bakery plans. It was our first night living together, and it was perfect.

~One Week Later~

I wake up screaming. The nightmares don't stop, no matter how hard I wish them to. Peeta is there in an instant, his hands of my shoulders and hot breath near my ear. My shaking doesn't stop, but with quivering hands I fist his shirt.

Peeta presses his lips to mine quickly, and I whimper softly. He knows me so well, and he is very aware that he is the only thing that can bring me back from my nightmares. We kiss hard, quicker, and then soon I start to feel something. It feels like a fire in the pit of my stomach, and it first it is foreign to me. Then, with a shock, I realize it is what I felt on the beach during the Quarter Quell.

"Peeta," I whispered, pulling away. I stared into his eyes, such a rich blue twinkling with a kindness and tenderness that made my heart swell, and then gave him a soft smile. I pulled him to me, and kissed him again.

There were no words, really. His hands slowly started to creep down my shoulders and down my sides until they stopped on my ribcage. My breath hitched, and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue over my lips.

I let out a soft cry, but responded eagerly. Or, at least, I tried to. I had no experience and was going purely off instinct, but Peeta's groan in response seemed encouraging.

His thumb gave the barest brush over my breast, testing. When I arched my back towards him, he put his whole hand over it.

"Can I..." he trailed off, and I nodded. A dazzling smile spread over his features, and the fire grew to a raging inferno. "You can...touch me, too. If you want." he offered timidly.

I slid one hand underneath his shirt, over the smooth planes of his stomach and up to his pecs. He shudders and I smile, and then he surprises me by leaning back and pulling his shirt off his head. Then we looked at each other, goofy grins on our faces, and I knew.

Second by second we grew closer and closer until I was wrapped around him completely, nothing separating us. Our lips touched, as did our hands and foreheads and hips. I cried a bit and I think he did, too. But it was beautiful and scary and new and exhilarating all at the same time.

Then, as we lay in silence, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

"You love me. Real or not real?"

I smile.

"Real."

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**Yay! Be prepared for the next chapter soon! :]**


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Yay, another update! I couldn't leave you guys hanging like that. :] **

**Also, I changed my username from "justafewobsessions" to "shipping-catoniss". The change is also on Tumblr as well. Enjoy!**

* * *

For the first time in my life, I woke up naked.

My body was covered from the waist down by a flimsy cotton sheet, and I immediately crossed my arms around my chest. Then, I heard the light snore coming from behind me and relaxed. I felt a blush dance across my cheeks as I remembered last night, and rolled over to look at Peeta beside me.

The sheet covered his waist as well, but his torso was bare and I could see the faint red lines on his back from where my nails had raked across his back. I reached over and traced them gently.

"Katniss?"

My hand froze. Peeta raised himself up, leaning on his forearms, and blinked at me tiredly. "Hey."

I let out a nervous giggle. "Hey."

We were both silent for a moment, and then simultaneously we burst out laughing. Peeta reached over and cupped my face, slowly bringing our lips together.

"Last night I made love you to. Real or not real?" he whispered against my lips. I felt a shiver dance down my spine and I nodded infinitesimally.

"Real, Peeta. Very real."

"And you said-" he cut off. "You said you-"

"I said I love you," I finished for him. "Real, Peeta. It was all very real."

Peeta laughed loudly, his face splitting into the widest smile I'd ever seen. His laugh was infectious, and soon I was laughing as well.

"I can't believe it!" he gasped. "That was the best night of my life."

A wicked idea trickled into my mind. "It was mine, too," I whispered in his ear. Then leaned over and lightly kissed his lips. "Now how about you make it the best morning of my life, as well?"

Eventually, we dragged ourselves out of bed and began our day. Peeta went downstairs to make breakfast, and I tried to shower without wincing in pain. Everything from the waist down was sore, as if I had just ran across the entire district twice.

I lifted my hands to my head to scrub at my hair, and then my mind began to wander. I thought about the conversations I'd overheard at school, about the girls who'd finally gone behind the slag heap and _done it_.

My face twisted into a frown. Peeta and I had made love, because we _loved _each other. Those girls were viewed as sluts who did it with anyone, even if they were townies. They were the ones who went on to throw themselves at the Peacekeepers and got pregnant within a year.

Pregnant.

What did they used to say when they came to my mother in tears? "I swallowed some red leaves after but all they did was upset my stomach."

There were trees in District Twelve that produced red leaves that were rumored to prevent pregnancy. The idiotic girls who came to my mother all said that they ate them after, but they still got pregnant.

I heard my mother explain to each girl that it was just a myth, but week after week there was always another one with the same story. She told them all that there were only three forms of contraception: pills the woman takes daily, condoms for the men to wear, and a shot administered in the Capitol that prevented pregnancy for a whole year. The shot was the most unattainable because it was so expensive and only offered in the Capitol. Condoms broke easily, and so pills were the only way to guarantee that you didn't get pregnant.

I never took any pills, and Peeta certainly did not wear a condom.

I shut the water off and quickly toweled of my body. Throwing on a thin white robe, not even bothering to dry my hair, I flew down the stairs.

"Peeta!" I screamed. "Peeta!"

"Katniss, what is it?" He came running around the corner from the kitchen, and we almost collided. "What's wrong, are you okay?"

I didn't even realize I was crying until I started to speak.

"We didn't use anything," I croaked out.

"What? What do you mean?" Peeta asked tenderly. He wiped the tears away from my face.

"Last night, this morning," I cried. "We didn't _use_ anything, Peeta. I could...I could be..._pregnant_."

I whispered the word like it was a curse, and Peeta recoiled. He looked at me in shock for a moment, then spoke slowly, carefully.

"Would it be that bad, Katniss?"

He must have saw the look of disgust on my face, and he quickly continued. "I mean, I know we're young. Too young, I mean, we're barely eighteen. But would having a baby with me be that bad?"

A pang of regret fought through my disgust at the look of hurt on his face.

"It's not _you_, Peeta," I told him. "I love you so much, it couldn't possibly be you. I just can't have any kids, Peeta-I _won't_ have any kids."

"Well, what would you do if you are pregnant then?" he challenged. I was silent.

"No, Katniss..."

"I'd have to, Peeta," I whimpered softly. "I couldn't bring a child into this world, knowing..."

"Knowing what?" Peeta yelled. I flinched. "The Hunger Games are over! What are you worried about? What is so horrible about this world that would mean _killing our baby_?"

"There are possibilities, Peeta! Anything could happen. I couldn't live with myself if something were to happen to it!"

"So you would kill it yourself?" I thought I saw a flash of something in his eyes, but it was quickly gone. "You would do something as disgusting and monstrous as kill your own child?"

Peeta was crying now, too, and I collapsed to my knees. My wet hair had dripped a puddle onto the floor, and I laid in it.

"I would love it too much, Peeta."

"There's nothing wrong with loving-"

"Yes. There is." I protested. "If you love something too much, you'll hurt more than anything when they're gone."

"I don't believe that, Katniss Everdeen." Peeta knelt down next to me and gently brushed my snarly hair away from my face. "You'll hurt, yes. But it's better to love something and have it leave than to never love something at all."

I leaned my head on his shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to my head.

"What are we going to do, Peeta?" I asked.

"What we always do," he answered me firmly. Peeta entwined his fingers with mine and pulled me closer to him.

"Survive."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Sorry for the confusion, everyone. I changed my username (once and for all) to Amber Kay. I also changed my tumblr URL to 'amberlikestoread'. The link can be found in my profile. :) You can find me there, along with the link to my Figment account. I have some original stories posted there as well. Please check out both! **

**Here's Chapter Thirteen!**

* * *

Approximately eight days later, I go to the bathroom and am relieved to see the blood staining my underwear. I am then promptly horrified at myself, but I quickly stifle my feelings and clean myself up. I went downstairs and found Peeta sketching in the living room. We had avoided the topic of sex and pregnancy since my breakdown, and had otherwise acted as usual.

"I'm not pregnant," I whispered. His hands stilled on the paper, but he didn't look up. A beat passed, and they continued moving.

"That's good," he mumbled softly.

"We'll...be more careful...next time," I told him, curling up next to his warm body on the couch. He closed his book and placed it on the coffee table in front of us.

"Yeah. We definitely will be."

Peeta enveloped me in his arms and stroked my braid. He didn't speak, and although his words betrayed nothing, his lack of voice did.

"I'm sorry, you know," I told him. "For what I said. I was panicked and scared and it was wrong of me to want to make such harsh decisions without discussing it with you."

"I'm not going to open up this can of worms with you right now, Katniss," Peeta said with a small grin. "I know how you feel, and you know that I disagree, but I really, _really_ don't feel like arguing with you about it. I'm not going to forget about it, I'm just going to save it for a time when we are both ready to rationally discuss it."

Then Peeta pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, grabbed his book, and headed upstairs.

Leaving me confused, chagrined, and a slight bit relieved.

I got dressed for bed in a daze, absentmindedly listening to the sound of the running water of Peeta's shower. As I focused on it, I felt my shoulders slump and the tension I had been gathering for the past few weeks melted away. With my eyes closed, I opened my mouth and began to sing.

_Just give me a kiss, dear_

_It will all be just fine_

_I can be happy_

_Just knowing your mine_

_Everything happens_

_for reasons unknown_

_But you and I, together_

_That's set in stone_

_I loved you yesterday_

_Today I love you still_

_I always have, darling_

_And I always will_

Peeta's arms around my waist shocked me from my song. I jumped, but kept my back facing him. I could feel him pressed against me- he was wearing nothing but a towel and his chin rested on my shoulder.

"Where did you learn that?" he whispered.

"My father," I said. "He used to sing that to my mother. He sung it at their wedding, I think."

"It was very beautiful," Peeta commented. His kissed behind my ear and I shivered.

"There-there's more to it, if you want to hear it," I suggested boldly. I never sung in front of anyone anymore, but I felt like I owed it to Peeta to bring him a bit of happiness after being so wretched before.

"I'd like that."

I took an unsteady breath before continuing.

_The spaces between my fingers_

_Hold yours perfectly_

_I know we don't have much, dear_

_But our love is rich as can be_

_Every day I come home to you_

_Is like winning a prize_

_And after I kiss you _

_I love that look in your eyes_

_Now money we don't have much of_

_And fancy things are rare_

_But I do what I can because_

_Being without you is too much to bear_

_So I loved you yesterday_

_And today I love you still_

_I always have, darling_

_And I always will_

When I finished, Peeta didn't say a word. I turned around to face him and saw tiny little tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. I was crying, too, but I leaned in and kissed them away.

"I wish-" Peeta stopped, then shook his head.

"Tell me," I urged him. He took a deep breath and looked at me warily.

"I just-I don't know. My parents never sung to us as kids. My dad couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, and it would be a cold day in hell when my mother would do anything remotely sweet like that. I guess...I guess I just wish..."

"That I'd sing to our kids someday," I finished for him, softly. Peeta looked up at my suddenly, eyes wide.

"I know, Peeta."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay," I told him. "I understand. I...agree with you."

Peeta looked at me questioningly, and I ran a hand through his soft blonde curls. They were getting longer now.

"I'm not going to discuss it now, because I'm not ready," I clarified, "but...I am willing to...have kids...with you."

And when I said that, all my doubts flew out the window, because I didn't think I'd ever seen Peeta smile so wide in my life.

"You mean it, Katniss?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," I said, a bit breathlessly. "I wouldn't want kids with anyone else, Peeta. Ever. I trust you more than anyone."

Peeta let out a whoop and scooped me into his arms. He spun me around and I clung to his neck and laughed. We collapsed on top of the bed and he kissed me long and hard.

"I'll wait as long as you like, Katniss. I'll build a protective wall around the house so we can keep them safe forever."

"Them?" I teased. "From what I heard, one baby was pretty painful. I'm not sure I'd want to go through it twice."

"One baby is fine," Peeta said enthusiastically. "One is all we need."

"Okay, calm down," I said with a chuckle, although I could feel the hysteria seeping into my voice. "I said I'm not ready. I may never be ready, Peeta, and you have to realize that. But what I need you to know is that I love you more than anyone else in this world and I trust you so much. If-If I ever feel like I am physically and mentally able to bring a child into this world, I don't want anyone but you to be their father."

Peeta pondered this for a moment.

"That's good enough for me," he concluded. "For now."

And before I could protest, his lips were on mine. I wound my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer. I wrapped my legs around his waist, mindful that his towel was doing a phenomenal job of staying tight around his waist.

Peeta's hand had just drifted to the hem of my shirt when the phone rang, shrill and loud, through the house.

We broke apart with a groan, and he disentangled himself from me with a pout. Still sans clothing but with the remarkable towel still in place, Peeta jogged down the stairs. The phone stopped ringing and I heard murmured voices. I wondered who could be calling, and figured it was probably Haymitch looking for food or one of the construction workers from the bakery. I was sure it wasn't for me, because it wasn't like I had many friends these days.

"Katniss?" Peeta called. "It's for you."

I padded down the stairs warily, as if the caller was in our living room. I gave Peeta a querying look, but he just handed me the receiver and kissed my forehead.

"I'll be in our room if you need me."

Utterly confused, I put the phone to my ear and said hello.

"Katniss?" I froze.

"Mom?"

* * *

**Their conversation will be up in the next chapter! Happy Holidays, everyone! xoxo**


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Happy Holidays, everyone! Regardless of what you celebrate, or if you celebrate, I hope your days are filled with love and joy. :) Here's Chapter Fourteen!**

* * *

"Hi, Katniss," my mother said softly. I gripped the phone so hard I thought my knuckles might turn white. I considered slamming it down and stomping back upstairs, but then my mother spoke again.

"I wanted to...apologize."

I scoffed. "For what, Mom? For abandoning me twice?"

I expected her to back down, to cry, or even to yell, but she did none of that.

"Yes, Katniss. For everything. For all the wrongs I've done, to you and Prim."

Her name shot an arrow through my chest and I fought to keep breathing.

"I don't want to talk about her."

"We don't have to," my mother soothed. "Not now. But it helps to talk, Katniss. That's why I called you."

Peeta appeared beside me and I shot him a glare. He rummaged through a drawer in the coffee table before producing a loose sheet of paper and a pencil. He scribbled on it furiously and then held it up to me.

_Talk to her. _

I rolled my eyes, and he wrote some more.

_It will help you. _

I frowned. Peeta smiled and motioned to the phone.

"Hello? Katniss? Are you still there?"

"Yes, Mom, I am," I said begrudgingly. Peeta gave me a thumbs up and I a stuck my tongue out at him.

"Oh, good. Well, I guess I just wanted to talk to you. Would that be okay? Can I just talk for a while? You don't have to say anything, I'd just really like you to listen to what I have to say."

"...Sure," I said. "Talk."

I don't know how long I stood there next to the phone. Peeta pulled over a chair for me to sit in, but I never did. I stood and listened to my mother. We cried and she apologized and then we cried again. She told me how she was transferred to District Seven's new hospital. Johanna is receiving care there and my mother says she is doing well. She also said that she herself had been receiving therapy. My mother told me that she suffered from severe depression and emotional detachment.

"I go to two sessions a week and I think they are paying off tremendously," she told me. "My doctor doesn't believe in medication. He believes that the mind is the most powerful medication of all, and that by talking through my issues and changing some habits I can be rehabilitated in no time."

"That's great, Mom," I said. "I-I'm happy for you."

My mother sighed. "I just cannot convey how truly sorry I am for everything that I've done. You were- _are_ so strong Katniss. From birth I'd know you'd be stronger than I ever was, and I was right. You can do things that I'd never be able to in my wildest dreams. You don't know the affect you have on people."

Those words, if uttered a few months ago, would have driven me insane. They still stung, and the negative connotations still were there, but I brushed it off.

"Yeah, well look where that's gotten me," I joked.

My mother was serious. "You can't blame yourself for what had happened, Katniss."

"That's what Peeta says," I mumbled.

"He's right," my mother told me. "I will be honest. For a long time I blamed you for what happened. To District Twelve, to Panem, to Prim. But now I see how _good_ it is. The Hunger Games are gone, people aren't afraid anymore. I'm not saying that all the death and destruction were good, and I am certainly not implying that what happened to Prim was for the best, but what's done is done. You can't change the past, Katniss. You can only improve the present to have a better future."

Her words were like scissors that cut the strings that were tying me down. I saw her logic, and I felt a million times more free in that moment than I had in a long time.

"And Katniss?" she said.

"Yes?"

"I think your father would be so, so proud of you."

I hung up the phone about an hour later with dry eyes and a smile on my face. I found Peeta in the kitchen, taking a pan of cheesy buns out of the ovens.

"Hi," I said. My voice was scratchy from crying, but I didn't mind.

Peeta faced me, tray in hand, and offered me a smile. "Hey." He placed the tray on the counter next to the stove and closed the oven door.

"How did it go?"

I wound my arms around his neck. "It went a lot better than I had expected."

"That's great, Katniss," he told me. "What did she say?"

"She said she was sorry- for everything."

"And?" Peeta prompted.

"And I forgave her," I told him. "Peeta. She said...She said that my father would have been proud of me."

Peeta gently kissed the top of my nose before pulling me into him.

"I think so, too. I think he would be, too."

I called my mom the next morning. Her voice sounded happier, lighter.

"Katniss!" she said when she answered. "I'm so glad you called!"

"Thanks, Mom," I sad with a smile.

"So, I'd been meaning to ask you yesterday but I figured I'd save it for another time," she said. "How are things between you and Peeta?"

My fingers stilled around the cord I'd been twirling. I'd never had much of a love life, but even if I had, I would never have dreamed of discussing it with my mother.

"Um, we're good," I mumbled. My mother sighed.

"I know you're living together, so obviously you're more than good," she said with a chuckle. "I called your house dozens of times before I got a clue that you might be with him. And with him you were."

"Yeah, I moved in a few weeks ago," I told her. "We're doing...we're doing great."

"I'm happy for you, dear," my mother said. "This may be a bit too personal to ask, but...have you told him?"

I frowned. "Told him what?"

When she didn't say anything for a moment, it dawned on me. "Yes, Mom. I...I told him I loved him."

"Well, I'm glad you finally admitted it to yourself," she said with a laugh.

"Katniss!" Peeta called from the doorway. He had been at the bakery since five a.m, finishing up painting the kitchen. I quickly bid my mother a goodbye and went to meet him.

"Hey, Peeta!" I said enthusiastically. I kissed his lips quickly before giving him a hug. "How are things at the bakery?"

"They're coming along great. But, Katniss, I-um-well, District Twelve has a visitor."

I'd never seen Peeta at a loss for words before, and my stomach twisted into knots. "Peeta, what is it? Who's here?"

"It's Gale, Katniss. Gale arrived this morning."

If my stomach was in knots before, it was in my throat now. I could feel my hands begin to shake and Peeta gripped them tightly.

"Katniss. Katniss, look at me. It's okay. Look at me, it's going to be fine. I won't let him near you if you don't want-"

But it was too late. I love Peeta with all my heart, but he could do nothing this time to save me. I was just beginning to calm down, when I glanced out the window and saw Gale Hawthorne walking down the street to my old house.

He was dressed so officially that I almost didn't recognize him. His dark hair was trimmed and I could see his shoes shining from where I stood. He knocked on my door, then waited, frowned, and knocked again.

Peeta followed my gaze and sucked in a breath. "Damn it."

As if Gale had heard him, his gaze turned next door, to our house, and his frown deepened. Thankfully, it looked as if he hadn't seen us in the window. I looked at Peeta.

"I'm not going to hide from him," I said. Gale was now stomping across the front lawn. "I need to talk with him."

Peeta kissed me, hard and long and passionately, before stepping away. "I trust you," he told me.

I smiled. "Thank you."

The knock at the door made us both flinch.

"Stay with me," I whispered. Peeta kissed me again.

"Always."

Peeta opened the door, gripping my hand tightly in his.

"Hi, Gale."

* * *

**Tell me what you think! Please review, add to alerts, or even message me on tumblr! My URL is 'amberlikestoread', or you can click on the link on my profile. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Alas, a new chapter!**

* * *

"Katniss," Gale said. A part of me was relieved that he hadn't called me Catnip. I opened the door a bit wider.

"Would you like to come in?" I offered timidly. Gale looked surprised at my gesture. I think he might have been expecting me to throw a fit, to scream in his face and turn my back on him.

"Yes, please," he said stiffly. I stood aside and he took two long strides into the living room, stopping short when he saw Peeta standing a few steps behind me.

"Hello, Gale," Peeta said politely. I crossed the room to him and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze. He smiled down at me.

"Peeta," Gale acknowledged him and then turned his eyes to me. "Why weren't you at your house, Katniss?"

"I leave here now," I told him. "Peeta and I live together."

Gale frowned slightly, then returned to his stoic expression. "I see. Well, I should have guessed."

There was a beat of stuffy silence before Peeta smiled widely and offered Gale a drink.

"I was just about to prepare lunch. Would you like to stay?"

Gale looked between Peeta and I, and when my face showed no signs of protest he nodded slightly. "What are you having?"

"Well, I was hoping to prepare some rabbit," Peeta said, looking straight at me. I arched my eyebrow. _What was he doing?_

"I haven't caught any rabbits in days," I told him. He _knew that, why was he acting like this?_

"Oh!" Peeta said, feigning surprise. "Maybe you should go hunting. I know how much you love it."

_He was right, I did love it. But what was he playing at-Oh._

"Yay, Cat-Katniss." Gale said, smiling wider. "I haven't been hunting in the longest time. I'd love to get back in the woods."

"So it's settled, then!" Peeta declared with a smile. "You two go hunting and I'll cook up whatever you catch. It can be a late lunch, or early dinner, however you want to look at it."

Peeta hustled both of us out the door, stopping to hand me my bow and arrows from the hall closet. "Don't be too late!" he called to us.

I stopped him just before the door, sliding my hand around his neck and putting my mouth just next to his ear.

"I know what you're doing," I whispered.

"I know you do," he whispered back. "And I trust you."

I smiled, and kissed him hard. I licked his lip with my tongue and he pulled me close before we remembered Gale was just a few feet away on the front lawn.

I pulled away. "I love you," I told him.

He smiled and pecked my lips. "I know."

Gale and I did not speak until we were in the safety of the woods.

"I'm impressed, Katniss," he said as we watched the forest. "I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find what I came back here, but I didn't expect you to be doing so well."

"Thank you," I mumbled, still unused to compliments. A squirrel scurried up a tree and my arrow landed right in its eye.

"Do you hate me?" Gale asked bluntly. I had asked myself that question hundreds of times, but I never had an answer until now, when he was standing in front of me.

"No," I said. "No, Gale, I don't. I hate what happened, I hate what you did, but I don't hate you. I-I-" The words were stuck in my mouth, but I forced them out. "I forgive you."

And then I was in his arms. I dropped my bow to the ground as he hugged me tight, and then tentatively wrapped my arms around him. I could feel his tears against my shoulder.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me, Catnip," he said.

"I'm trying to forgive people, Gale." I said. "I don't want to be mad anymore."

We walked back home in a significantly better mood. We carried two squirrels, three rabbits, and a handful of wild berries that Peeta uses to make a delectable sauce.

"So how are things with Peeta?" Gale asked, nudging my arm. I looked at him strangely, and he laughed.

"Why would you ask me that?" I asked, confused. "Aren't you-I mean-"

Gale guffawed. "Katniss, I realized a long time ago that it was always going to be him. I'm okay with it."

I was stunned. "But-I heard you, that night in the Capitol. I heard what you said to Peeta."

Gale's face fell. "Oh. Yeah. Look, Katniss, I wasn't thinking rationally, and I was jealous that even though he tried to kill you you still love him more."

"That's-"

"Completely true." Gale said with a look. I was quiet.

"Katniss, I love you. You're my best friend, even though I've been a right asshole. But I'm not _in love_ with you. I don't think I ever was really, I was more in love with the _idea_ of being in love with you. "

I felt like an anvil had been resting on my back for years and it had finally been removed. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"I want us to be best friends again, Catnip," Gale said seriously. Then his face turned playful. "And best friends talk about their lovers."

I blushed heavily. "We're not-" but then I stopped. Gale saw my hesitation and laughed hysterically.

"Katniss Everdeen, you didn't!"

My silence encouraged him and he laughed harder.

"I never thought I'd see the day!"

"Shut up, Gale!" I said, smacking his arm. "Let's go, I'm hungry."

"I should have known when you practically ate his face before."

_"Gale Hawthorne!"_

We made it back to my house in minutes, with Gale laughing the whole time.

Peeta made a delicious meal. We even cracked open an old bottle of wine that Haymitch hadn't gotten his hands on. Peeta and Gale even exchanged a few jokes at my expense. When it turned into dusk, Peeta asked Gale where he was staying.

"I'm not," he admitted. "I'm leaving on the eight o'clock train."

My heart dropped into my stomach. I just got him back. "Why?"

"Duty calls," Gale said, tapping his uniform. "I'm only stationed in District Two for the next few weeks, and then I'll be helping build up security and military forces in other Districts."

I bit my lip. "You'll keep in touch, won't you?"

"Of course, Catnip."

The clock on the wall chimed at seven thirty. Gale stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair he had been sitting on.

"I'd guess I'd better head you. Thank you, both of you, for allowing me to be here and for your hospitality."

Peeta and Gale clasped hands, and Gale leaned into him. "Take care of her," he warned.

"With my life," Peeta vowed seriously.

I stood n the corner, absentmindedly fiddling with the hem of my shirt. I didn't look up until Gale was directly in front of me.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," I replied. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Peeta slip out of the room, giving us some space. He was too kind.

"Don't look to sad, Catnip. I'm sure I'll be back here in no time."

I nodded, still not looking up. I felt tears prick at my eyes, and then my arms were tight around him.

"I just got you back," I croaked.

Gale kissed the top of my head. "I'll be back again. I promise. And we'll catch a dear next time, right?"

"Right," I said, sniffling.

Gale squeezed me tight, then stepped back. "Don't cry, Catnip. I can't stand it when you cry."

I laughed and wiped my eyes. "Me, too."

Gale chuckled, too, and then we both grew silent.

"I'm going to miss you," I said.

"Eh, you'll be fine," Gale joked, but I could see the sadness in his eyes. "Lover Boy will keep you entertained."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't call him that," I scolded.

Gale raised his hands in defeat, and then looked at me with finality. "See ya, Catnip."

I almost smiled. Gale was never one for goodbyes, but neither was I.

"See ya," I said, and then he was gone.

Peeta found me moments later. "I'm glad you two reconciled. You needed you're best friend back."

"You're my best friend," I said to him, grabbing his hand. "You're my everything."

Peeta smiled. "Fine, he's your best friend that doesn't get to kiss you whenever he wants."

His face grew serious. "Right?"

I laughed, and pulled him flush against me.

"Right."

Our lips connected, and not another word was said for the rest of the night.

* * *

**Finally! An update! I'm sorry for such a long wait. As some of you might be able to tell, I am a Gale fan and have not portrayed him as evil, like many have. Everyone is entitled to their opinion! Now for a few orders of business:**

**1) Some of you may have noticed that I uploaded another story, Accidentally On Purpose. I received many positive responses, but decided to take it down in order to revise it. The new, updated version should be up soon.**

**2) This story only has about 10 chapters left. I posted a poll on my profile for you guys to vote on the names of Katniss and Peeta's children, which will be revealed during the last two chapters. First up is their daughter, then next is their son! Voting for the first poll will close on February 28th. The most popular names will be their first names, and the second most popular names will be their middle names. Please vote if you can!**

**As always, responses of any kind are always welcome. Feel free to PM me or message me on tumblr. The link is on my profile and my URL is 'amberlikestoread' and I also have a secondary blog dedicated to The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, and a bit of Doctor Who. The URL is 'thetridentoffinnickodair'. **

**Thank you so much for reading! Much love. **

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Aside from visiting the bakery, I had only been into town a handful of times. As I walked towards what used to be the merchant area, and I am relieved to see that it looks nothing like it used to. There are the same shops, but in different places, some with different owners. Their designs are more cheerful and individualistic than they had been before.

There was one new place that I had never heard of before, and as I approached it my heart lurched in surprise. _Sae's General Store_.

I had no idea that Greasy Sae opened up her own shop. Curiously, I opened the door and walked inside. Each aisle had an array of goods, from cloth to paper to some boxes of mild pain relievers. I trailed through the aisles until I stopped in shock at the sign above the items.

_Contraceptives._

I gulped, and tried to hide my blush even though I was alone. The selection was limited, but unlike the years before, there was actually a selection.

"I figured that with all your money you could just get a fancy little shot from the Capitol."

I whirled around in shock. Greasy Sae stood behind me, smirking. "You wouldn't have to worry about things like this, Girl."

I ducked my head. "I, um, wasn't-"

"Don't lie to me, Girl," Sae said with a chuckle. She reached over a plucked a package from the rack, examined it, and then gave it to me. "These should get you through a few days."

I felt like my face was on fire. I didn't even look at the package. "Um, thank you," I mumbled.

"Come on, let's ring you up." Sae led me to the front of the store and got behind the counter. I pulled some money from my pocket and handed it to her, still not making eye contact.

"Don't be embarrassed, Girl. Almost the entire population of District Twelve has been in here buying the exact same thing since I opened." Sae handed me a bag and I grabbed it.

"When did you open?" I asked curiously. "I didn't even know you had a store."

"Just about a month ago," she tells me. "I didn't want to make a fuss about it."

"But what about the other businesses? The apothecary, the tailor? Aren't you selling some of their products?" I queried.

"I buy some of their products, sell them here, and then give them half of the profit," Sae explained. "And I am only selling the basics here. If you have a headache, you could get medicine here or at the apothecary, but if you have a fever, it's best not to come to me."

"This is truly fantastic," I breathed, awestruck. "This resources never used to be available to us."

"Well, we know who to thank for that," Sae said, winking at me. "Now get home and put those things to good use!"

I gasped, and rushed out the door, with Sae cackling madly behind me.

When Peeta arrived home later, I was in the backyard skinning the squirrels I caught the day before. I heard him open the back door and walk up behind me.

"Hello, wild woman," he said with a laugh. After wiping the blood off of my hands, I wrapped them around his neck and pulled him down to me.

"How was your day?" I asked, my lips oh so close to his but not touching.

"About to be a whole lot better," he said before capturing my lips. I loved kissing Peeta. It had to be one of my favorite things to do. We had grown so accustomed to each other's bodies that we knew exactly what the other wanted.

Peeta nipped at my lower lip and I opened my mouth to him. His tongue no longer felt foreign in my mouth. If you had asked me one year ago, I would have recoiled at the thought of having someone else's tongue touch mine, but now having experienced it with the man I love, I could tell you that it was marvelous.

"I went to Greasy Sae's store today," I whispered to him.

"Oh, yeah?" He kissed me again "What did you get?"

"Why don't you go see for yourself?"

Peeta pulled back and arched an eyebrow at me.

"I put the bag on the kitchen table," I explained. Peeta separated himself from me and warily stepped back into the house. I stayed outside, waiting for his reaction.

"KATNISS!"

I laughed, and went to walk back inside before Peeta came barreling out the door and wrapped me in a tremendous hug. He had the box of condoms in his hand.

"Are you serious?" he asked excitedly.

I nodded shyly. Peeta let out a whoop and spun me around. "Leave the squirrel. We don't need food."

Peeta began carrying me inside. "Peeta! We're going to need to eat later."

He looked down at me, his eyes dark. "I'm not hungry for food."

I lay on my back, gasping and covered with a thin layer on sweat.

Peeta was on top of me, his head resting in the place between my shoulder and neck, trying to catch his breath.

"Um."

"Yeah."

"That was..."

"I know."

We both broke out laughing. Peeta rolled off of me but grabbed on to my hand. I kissed the place where our fingers met.

"I'm really glad you went to Sae's today," Peeta said. I laughed.

"Me too."

"I really, really love you."

I rolled over so that I was on my side, facing him. My fingers traced the curve of his jaw. "You know that I love you, too."

Peeta nodded. "I do."

"And I'm sorry for how I reacted before. I don't want you to think that I don't love you in every way possible. I plan to spend the rest of my life making sure that you know that."

I closed the distance between us, and I felt Peeta's firm hands grab my waist and pull me on top of him. I squealed and he laughed before kissing me.

After a few moments of just laying there, of languid kissing and pillow talk, Peeta disentangled himself from me to go to the bathroom. I pulled the sheets around my shoulders and enjoyed the view of him as he moved, stark naked, across the room. I frowned when he stopped and pulled on a pair of boxers, but he just winked at me.

I stretched out across the bed, relishing in the sated and euphoric feeling that I have grown to love, before I heard a crash.

I sat up. "Peeta?"

There was a groan, and the sound of glass breaking.

"Peeta!" I stood up, the bed sheet tight around me, and raced to the bathroom door. I jiggled the handle, but it was locked. "Peeta! Are you okay?"

The door swung open, and Peeta stood before me. His muscles were clenched and his breathing was labored. I looked into his eyes. They were dark again, but not with lust-this time, it was hate.

"You filthy mutt!"

* * *

**Ermagerd! Hopefully I will have an update for you guys this weekend!**

**Please vote for the name of Katniss and Peeta's daughter on the poll on my profile! Voting ends February 28th and the results will be announced in the finall two chapters. The name with the highest number of votes will be their daughter's first name, and the name with the second highest number of votes will be her middle name. **

**Check out my new story, Accidentally On Purpose- I will have an update for that soon, too! :)**

**Happy Valentine's Day! xox**

**~Amber Kay**


	18. Chapter Seventeen

_"You filthy mutt!"_

I stepped back in shot, gripping the sheets tight around my naked body. Peeta's fists were clenched against the doorframe. I could see the battle raging within him. His mind told him to attack me, to kill me, but his heart was holding him back.

"Peeta," I said softly. "Not real, Peeta."

His eyes flashed up to mine. "You disgusting little _slut_!"

I tried to fight the gasp, the hurt. I tried not to let myself be offended by words that were constructed by the Capitol.

"You're sleeping with me to get sponsors, aren't you?" Peeta hissed murderously. "You're _fucking_ me so you can win!"

"Not-not real, Peeta, no." I gasped. "Please, no."

"_YOU KILLED OUR BABY!_"

Peeta's fists released the doorframe and he took a threatening step towards me. I jumped back, expecting his hands to reach for me, but he held himself back. His words, however, cut through me like a knife.

"You killed our baby because you're too weak and scared to take of it."

I could no longer hold back my tears, and my sobs inhibited my voice as I tried to defend myself. "Not-not real, P-Peet-Peeta."

I could see the conflict in his eyes. He kept flinching towards me, and then pulling himself back.

"I was ne-never preg-pregnant, Peeta. Not real."

I think my sobs were beginning to register. He continued to spew insults at me, but I could see some blue returning to his eyes. I took a tentative step forward, and when he didn't lash out at me I pressed my palm to his cheek.

"Come back to me, Peeta. Not real."

His body sagged, and I lurched forward to catch him. Peeta sunk to his knees and pressed his face into my abdomen. His shoulders shook as he sobbed, and I braided my fingers into his hair.

"I-I-I'm so sor-sorry," Peeta gasped. "I-I'm so sorry, Kat-Katniss."

"Shh," I hummed. "Shh, it's okay." I blinked the tears back from my own eyes and rocked my body back and forth slightly.

"How can you stand me?" Peeta gasped. He pushed himself away from me and began pacing the room. "How can you even look at me?"

"Don't you dare say that!" I cried. "This is my fault, Peeta, not yours."

"_No!_" Peeta slammed his hands against the wall. "You do not get to blame yourself for this, Katniss. This is not your fault."

"You're right," I said quietly. Peeta's hand snapped to look at me. "It's not my fault, and it's not your fault either. It's the Capitol's fault. All of this. "

I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around Peeta's waist, resting my cheek against his back.

"And each day we spend blaming eachother and ourselves for what happened is another day that we let them win."

Peeta released a shuddering breath and turned, squishing me to him.

"I thought you weren't any good at saying something."

I smirked against his chest. "I had a pretty good teacher."

Even though my eyes were closed, I knew he was smirking. "Oh, really?" he said. His fingers toyed with the sheet I still had clutched around me. "What else have you been taught?"

The sheet pooled at my feet.

**(Peeta POV-at the request of some readers, here is my attempt at a **_**mild**_** lemon...)**

I love her. I love her so much. I love everything about her. I love her smile- she smiles a lot more often now. I love her hair, now full and cascading over her shoulders. I love her laugh, I love the way she snorts when something is too funny. I love that when she is truly sound asleep, I can hear her snoring so lightly that I have to strain to hear it. I love it when she blushes after I kiss her. I love her scars, her patched skin that matches mine. I love the curve of her backside under her clothes, the taste of her lips in the morning. I love the feel of her breasts in my hand and I thank whoever I have left to thank that the surgeons in the Capitol never changed her. I love the sounds she makes when we make love. I love Katniss Everdeen more than anything.

"Ohhhhhh," she whimpered as I moved above her. "Peeta!"

I kissed her lips, her nose, her neck. I kissed down her torso until she cried out in earnest. Our hips were moving in synchronization and when her fingers dug into my back I groaned.

"I love you, Katniss," I whispered into her ear. "I love you more than anything."

"I love you, Peeta," she whispered back.

We cried out at the same time, tensing and the relaxing against each other.

I knew then, as I laid against her, what I had to do.

**~One Month Later (Katniss POV) ~**

It is November 1st. Today is the day that the bakery reopens to the citizens of District Twelve. I have yet to see the inside. Peeta has kept it a secret, wanting to surprise me. He left early this morning, while I was still sleeping, to get in ready for the grand opening at nine a.m.

I stretched and rolled over in bed. It was a little after eight o'clock. I had just enough time to shower and eat a bit of breakfast before meeting Peeta in town. By the time I was ready, it was a quarter to nine. I wore jeans, and a soft orange sweater, and my hunting boots. I decided to leave my hair down, and after running a brush through it I headed into town.

The bakery was swamped with people, all swarmed outside and craning to get a glimpse of the inside of the new bakery. My heart swelled with pride.

I squeezed through the throngs of people, stopping occasionally to smile and exchange a few words with some people. I made it to the front of the crowd just in time for Peeta to squeeze through the front door, carefully as to make sure no one saw the inside.

He saw me, and his eyes lit up. Peeta extended his arm to me, and I jumped up the few stairs to stand next to him, grasping his hand in mine. He pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, and the crowd let out a collective "Aww."

Ever since the Games, public displays of affection had never been a favorite of mine, but I would allow it today.

"Hello, everyone," Peeta started. "Thank you all so much for coming here today. I am so grateful for all of your support and help during rebuilding. I am-"

Peeta paused, looking at me with a smile and then holding up our entwined hands. "_We_ are very excited to share this with you today."

I clutched Peeta closer, a smile upon my face.

"So, without further ado, I would like to present to you all...the new and improved _Mellark's Bakery_!"

The crowd cheered, and Peeta opened the door and pulled me through the threshold.

I gasped. "Peeta, this is fantastic!"

* * *

**What did you guys think of a POV change? I wanted to switch things up a little bit. Also, in regards to that "lemon"...I had been getting requests to write one, and since this story is rated T I didn't want to make it too graphic. If you guys _really_ want one, I will try my best to write one and post it separately. **

**Also, don't forget to vote for the name of Katniss and Peeta's daughter. The poll is on my profile!**

**Stay tuned- the next chapter is full of big, big, big things!**

***You can find me on tumblr as 'amberlikestoread'. :)**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	19. Chapter Eighteen

The bakery looked entirely different, but yet I felt like I had been coming here all my life. The floors were tiled and white, almost reflective, and the walls were painted a soft orange-sunset. Small , circular tables and stools were placed strategically throughout the room. The counter was white, with a cash register on one side and a few pastries under a glass case on the other side.

The throngs of people started to file in behind me, and Peeta took my arm and gently pulled me past the row of display cases, filled with cookies and muffins and pies, and into the kitchen.

I had never been into the kitchen of his family's bakery, but I knew that it looked nothing like this. Three gigantic ovens lined the walls, each with a bunch of buttons and settings that were lost on me. Bowls of batter and sheets of cookies waiting to be baked littered the counters, and there was a pile of bags of floor by the back door.

I turned to Peeta. "I am so proud of you," I told him. "This looks so wonderful, Peeta."

Peeta nudged me to the side, where I saw a door. "That's the basement," Peeta told me. "Before, uh, at my family's bakery, the basement was cold and dark and I was always a little afraid of it."

Peeta snickered quietly to himself before nudging the door open. "But now, I wanted to make it something comfortable."

We descended down the stairs, and I took in the sight. The floor was carpeted, and a desk was set up in the corner. It was small, but cozy and inviting and peaceful.

"I needed a place to do some of the paperwork and bills and things," Peeta explained. "My mother, um, she used to do it, and she used to complain about how she could never focus, so I figured this was a good place to do it."

"It will be perfect," I said. Peeta leaned down, and captured my lips with his.

We meandered back upstairs eventually. Peeta made a few sales, and a few people approached me and I entertained them for a few minutes before they moved on to fawn over Peeta, and I couldn't blame them- he _was_ nicer to talk to.

I entertained myself by admiring the pastries in the display cases. A hand on my shoulder made me spin around. Mica stood there, smiling nervously.

"Mica!" I said happily.

"Hey Katniss," he replied sheepishly. "How are you- uh, how are you doing?"

"I'm fantastic," I said enthusiastically. "We're fantastic." I looked over to Peeta and he nodded.

"Good, I'm glad." Mica shifted on one foot before speaking again. "Uh, I wanted to ask you first, Katniss, because I'm not sure what Peeta would think."

I tilted my head. "What is it?"

"DoyouthinkPeetawouldgivemeaj ob?" he said hastily. "I mean, I've never baked anything but I could learn. And I could just work the register if he wants, or sweep up or something, but I think that Peeta's a really good guy and I wanted to help him out because he was so nice to me when I came back here and you guys deserve this and-"

"Mica," I said softly. "I'm sure Peeta would love to have you work with him. Why don't you ask him? He won't turn you down, I know it."

Mica grinned. "You think so?"

"I know it." I looked over at Peeta, who was inching away from some elderly woman I didn't recognize. "Go ask him now, before someone scoops him up again."

"Alright," Mica nodded furiously. "I will. Thanks, Katniss!"

I watched him maneuver his way over to Peeta, and they shook hands with wide smiles. Mica made a few gestures with his hands, and Peeta nodded seriously. Then Peeta's face broke into a wide smile, and he laughed, clapping Mica on the back. I smiled to myself, and turned back to the display case. It looks like Mellark's bakery had its first employee.

I wandered around for the next half hour or so as Peeta bid his goodbyes to the last of the customers. Something bright in the corner caught my eye and I turned and gasped, shocked that I had not noticed it before. Right in the display window were the beautifully decorated cakes that Prim had used to love to admire. My breath caught in my throat I brushed away some fallen tears.

The bell above the door jingled as Peeta closed it behind Mrs. Grady, the tailor's wife. When he saw my tears Peeta rushed to me quickly, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against his chest.

"Katniss, what is it? Why are you crying?"

I laughed, shaking my head. "Nothing's wrong, Peeta. It's just...the cakes. Prim l-loved your cakes."

Peeta pressed a kiss to my temple. "I know she did. That's why I put them out. And as long as I'm running this place they'll always be in the window."

I smiled. "She would have liked that. Thank you."

"Or," Peeta continued, "I should say that as long as _we're_ running the place. I consider this bakery just as much yours as it is mine."

"Oh, Peeta," I chuckled. "That's very sweet of you, and I appreciate that you think that, but I don't think there's enough space to paint 'Everdeen' on the sign, too, don't you think?"

Peeta's face took on a serious look.

"Peeta, I was kidding." I said. "I was teasing you, don't be mad."

"I'm not mad!" Peeta took my face in both hands and kissed the tip of my nose. "But actually, Katniss, I've been meaning to discuss your name for a while now."

I frowned. "My name? What's wrong with my name?"

"Nothing is wrong with it," Peeta amended hastily, "I was just thinking that...Well, I'd like it very much if we had the same one."

Then Peeta sunk to one knee.

I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth and my heart beginning to beat ten times faster. "Peeta..."

"Katniss," Peeta said, "I love you. I've always loved you, even if I forgot it for a little while."

We both flinched at the memory of the hijacking.

"And even though we've had our fair share of horrors, I'd like to think we've had some great times, too. Amazing times, actually. I always found it strange that even in the middle of a rebellion, as we fought for our lives in the Games, when we were in any type of danger, you could still make me focus all my attention on you by doing the smallest things. The way you bite your lip when you're deep and thought, and how you always twirl the tip of your braid when you're nervous, and even though you snore a little-"

"I do not," I interjected softly. Peeta smiled warmly and took my hands.

"All those things about you make me love you more than I ever thought possible. You are fiercely protective and loyal, and caring, and kind, even if it's tough to see sometimes."

"All of those things make you _you_, Katniss, and I love you more than anything. So, Katniss Everdeen-"

"Peeta Mellark, will you marry me?" I asked.

Peeta blanched, his eyes wide and mouth agape. I chuckled and knelt down until we were face to face.

"I-I thought that was my line," he stuttered.

"You got to ask me the first time," I replied, smirking. Peeta laughed, shaking his head.

"You never cease to surprise me, Katniss."

Peeta reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small ring, not in any kind of fancy box or holder, just by itself. The band was thin, and in the center was a small pearl, surrounded by tiny diamonds. I gasped.

"Is that-?"

"Your pearl?" Peeta grinned. "Yeah, it is. It was a pain to track down, but here it is."

"Oh, Peeta, I can't believe you did this," I cried.

"So can I ask you now?" Peeta asked timidly. I smiled.

"Of course."

Peeta leaned forward and slipped the ring onto my finger. "Marry me, Katniss."

I threw my arms around his neck and crashed my lips to his. "Yes," I mumbled into the kiss. "Yes, yes, yes."

Peeta groaned and wrapped his arms around my midsection, pulling me on top of him. We stayed on the floor of the bakery for hours, kissing and giggling and just staring at each other.

"I don't think I've ever been this happy before," I told him.

Peeta just smiled and entwined our hands. I looked down at them, my ring reflecting the rising sun.

And in that moment, I realized something:

Everything that we had done had been worth it.

* * *

**Yay, Everlark engagement! I was so happy to finally write this chapter. There are only a few more left and then the epilogue, so stay tuned! **

**Don't forget to vote for the name's of K&P's children on the poll on my profile- the poll closes on February 28th!**

**Please leave a review or send me a message on tumblr- 'amberlikestoread'**

**Also, I posted a one shot the other night and I'd love some feedback on it. :)**

**You guys are the best. **

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	20. Chapter Nineteen

"DAMN IT!" Haymitch roared as I dumped the bucket of water over his head. He sat up, spluttering and cursing my name.

"What will it take for you to stay sober?" I said with a groan. Haymitch shook the water from his hair and glared at me.

"What will it take for you to leave me alone?" he spat back. I rolled my eyes and took a seat at his kitchen table. Pushing some empty bottles to the floor, I turned back to him expectantly.

"I wanted to tell you something."

Haymitch grunted as he pulled himself to his feet and joined me at the table. "What's so pressing that you needed me to resurface?"

I held out my left hand. "Peeta and I are engaged," I said simply. I retracted my hand, not giving him a chance to really see the ring. I was not an overly flashy person, and I did not need Haymitch gawking at and making fun of my ring.

My mentor leaned back in his chair and let out a long breath. "Did you know why I chose you? In the Arena?"

My mouth went dry and my pulse quickened, but I tried to keep myself steady. "It was bec-"

"No, you don't know," Haymitch interrupted. "You think it was because I thought you could survive- I did. I still do. You don't need anyone's help, sweetheart. But I chose you because of the effect you have on those around you."

I rolled my eyes. "I still don't see what everyone else seems to. I was just the wrong girl at the right time. If someone else had volunteered that day-"

"You have to be the most thickheaded creature in the world," Haymitch muttered, bemused. "It doesn't matter what could've happened- what matters is what did. I chose you because I could see that you were in love with that boy before you could even admit to yourself that you could trust him."

"And how did you figure that out?"

"I'm not drunk all the time, you know," Haymitch snickered. "I was able to stumble into town a few times over the years, and I saw your exchanges at the bakery. I saw the way you looked when you saw him. I knew something had happened, but it wasn't until you two told the world that I knew what. It was only a matter of time before one of you caved and talked to each other, and-let's face it sweetheart- he would've wooed you in a few days."

I blushed. Two years ago I would have smacked Haymitch across the face for suggesting such a thing, but now, knowing Peeta and having a better (but still not too great) understanding of myself, I know he was right.

"I had been in contact with the other Victors for years, and Plutarch, too. We knew that a rebellion was imminent. I chose you because I was certain that Peeta would die and you would do something drastic that would spark a revolt. Obviously, things wound up going a bit differently than we had all planned."

Haymitch reached into his pocket and pulled out a flask. "I chose you because you were the perfect pawn for the rebellion, but as time went on I..." Haymitch took a gulp of whatever substance was in the flask. "Hell, I can't do this...I care about you, alright? You and the boy...you're like my kids. You're more annoying than my geese but you bring me food sometimes."

I chuckled. "Don't go soft on us just yet, Haymitch."

He scowled. "I'm not soft. Now get out of here, I'm sure Hot Buns has been missing your company."

"Hot Buns?" I screeched. Haymitch cracked up.

"I just made that one up on the spot- I think it'll stick, though."

"It better not," I threatened. I stood up from the table. "Change your clothes, will you? They're going to grow mold."

Haymitch grumbled as I made my way to the door.

"I'm happy for you two," he called. I stopped. "You two deserve happiness more than anyone. "

I smiled. "Thank you, Haymitch."

"And tell Hot Buns to close the windows when you two get frisky. I can hear you screaming."

"Haymitch!" I screeched. I flew out the door and slammed it behind me, effectively cutting off the sounds of my mentor's guffaws.

The next day, during dinner, Peeta suggests that I call my mother. "You should tell her the news," he said.

"What news?" I teased.

Peeta pretended to pout and cut a piece of squirrel. "She should know."

I nodded. My calls with my mother had gotten a bit more frequent over the past few weeks. "I'll call her after dinner."

I liked this- peaceful small talk over dinner. It was something that I had never got to enjoy until Peeta came along. It felt so nice to not worry about my next meal or if I would survive until morning.

We cleared our plates in silence, but every time our eyes met one of us would grin and I could feel my cheeks heating up. Peeta pressed a kiss to my forehead before going upstairs to shower, leaving me to call my mother in peace.

She answered on the third ring.

"Katniss?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"We just got a new phone system in my building. When the phone rings, a screen lights up with the number who is calling. I programmed it so your number is saved."

"Oh!" I said. "That's interesting. Are there a lot of things like that in Four?"

"The Capitol is working on supplying all Districts with similar technology," she explained. "They should be in Twelve soon."

I bit my lip nervously. I wasn't so keen on the idea of anymore Capitol products.

"Katniss? You're awfully quiet this evening."

"I, um, I actually have something to tell you."

"Is this good news?" my mother queried. I laughed.

"Yes, Mom, it is. We..Peeta and I..Um, Peeta and I are getting married."

There was silence on the other end, and then I could hear my mother sniffling.

"Are you crying?" I asked timidly. My mother laughed softly.

"Happy tears, Katniss. Happy tears."

I chuckled. "I'm glad you're happy."

"I'm glad _you're_ happy, Katniss."

I sighed. "I really am. I am really, truly happy."

"Then I guess I have to thank Peeta, right?" My mother joked. I laughed.

"Get in line, Mom."

I heard a cough behind me and turned. Peeta was leaning against the doorframe, his hair damp from the shower and slowly dripping down onto his chest...his bare chest. All he wore were a pair of loose flannel pants that hung low on his hips.

"Katniss, are you still there?" My mother asked. I jumped and cleared my throat.

"Yeah, Mom, I am...Could we maybe talk tomorrow? I, um, am super tired..."

My mother laughed knowingly. "Of course. I want details tomorrow, young lady."

I hurriedly agreed and hung up the phone, then turned to gawk at my fiancé.

"Are-aren't you cold?" I asked. "It's November."

Peeta stalked towards me with a smirk on his face. "I'm not cold. Are you cold?"

I shook my head, gulping. "I'm a little hot, actually."

Peeta chuckled. "I think you're more than a little hot, Katniss."

"You would."

My fiancé's laughter was thick and hearty. He took my hand and led me up the stairs to our bedroom. He made a move to pull me towards the bed, but I pulled away.

"What are you doing?" he asked, frowning. I smirked over my shoulder.

"Closing the windows."

* * *

**Sorry for the lack of Everlark in this chapter, but I think that the story needed more of Haymitch. There will be a lot of Katniss/Peeta in the next chapters. **

**You can now vote for the name of Katniss and Peeta's SON on my profile- the poll closes on March 18th!**

**As usual, you can find me on tumblr. My new URL is 'katniss-duchannes', but if you type in my old URL it will still bring you to my blog. **

**I also posted another one shot about Katniss and Peeta bonding with their daughter, it is called 'Inchworm.'**

**Stay awesome, everyone!**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	21. Chapter Twenty

**This is my longest chapter yet, everyone! **

* * *

**One Month Later**

It was during the first week of December, when light snow flurries had just begun to fall, that Annie Odair came to District Twelve. Peeta had wrote her a letter last week and invited her, and she responded with a confirmation and a promise to be here within the week. She arrived on the train a little after one o'clock. Peeta had taken off from work at the bakery, leaving a more than capable Mica to man the counter, to come with me to meet her at the station.

We stood close together, Peeta's hand wrapped around my waist, and rubbed our gloved hands together to stay warm. The train pulled in on schedule, a the doors slid open with a hiss. An attendant emerged, carrying a large suitcase, who was followed by Annie, carrying a diaper bag over her shoulder and a heavily bundled baby in her arms.

"Annie!" Peeta exclaimed. He bounded up the platform to greet her. Annie gave him an awkward, one-armed hug and Peeta excitedly peeled back the blankets to look at Finnick Odair's son.

I timidly followed him up the platform, coming to a halt a few paces in front of them.

"Hi, Katniss," Annie said softly. I grinned. She opened her arm again and I returned her hug gently. Annie shifted the baby in her arms and I gasped.

I saw staring at a miniature version of Finnick. His son had his eyes, his cheekbones, even a few bronze tufts of hair. Peeta stared at him with a goofy smile on his face.

"What's his name?" I breathed.

"Finnick," Annie said softly. "Finnick James Odair, but I mostly just call him Little Finn."

I felt like my heart was being crushed in my chest. Peeta took Annie's suitcase and the pair started walking back towards Victor's Village. I followed numbly behind. When we arrived at our home Peeta graciously showed Annie to her room and I sat in a chair in the living room, still reeling over how similar Little Finn was to his father.

Peeta and Annie returned, this time with Little Finn in just thick pants and a miniature fleece jacket, and sat across from me on the couch.

"How have you been, Annie?" I asked.

She smiled, brushing a strand of dark hair away from her face. "I've been alright."

"And Little Finn? How old is he now?" Peeta asked.

"Five months," Annie answered. Her eyes found the lamp above my head and stayed there for a few minutes. Peeta and I glanced at each other uneasily. I cleared my throat, trying to break her out of her reverie. She kept staring.

Then, Little Fin reached up at touched his mother's face, and her eyes snapped back down to him. Peeta and I both sighed with relief, and Annie kissed Little Finn's forehead.

"Thank you, baby," she breathed.

"May I- May I hold him?" Peeta asked. Annie smiled and handed him over to my fiancée. I watched with a heavy heart as Peeta held Finn over his head and tickled his belly, making the baby cry out with raucous laughter.

Annie moved to stand by me. "I hear you're engaged."

I smiled up at her. "Indeed we are."

"Congratulations," her eyes flicked over to the two boys. "Are you planning on having children?"

"No," I said quickly. "I mean, I'm not sure."

"I never wanted them," Annie admitted quietly. I looked at her with wide eyes. "I didn't want to raise them in such a dangerous world. I didn't want them to be reaped like I was.

"Obviously Finn wasn't planned. I didn't even know I was carrying him until-" Annie's voice cracked and she looked down. "But I wouldn't change anything. He's my greatest gift."

I looked back at Peeta, who was still fussing over the baby. "I want so badly to give him a child," I admitted. "He would be the best father. I just...I wouldn't know what to do if something happened..."

"I was terrified," Annie said, "when I was pregnant. I still am, most of the time. I wouldn't know what to do if I lost him. But that's why we take it one day at a time."

The far-off look returned to Annie's eyes. "You never know when your last day will be."

We ate dinner a few hours later. Little Finn sat on Peeta's lap the whole time. I watched in awe at how good he was with him. A few times I caught myself thinking about what it would look like to have our own son at his lap instead.

Peeta thought it would be a good idea to show Annie the book. We had been adding new additions each week. When she looked at Finnick's page silent tears fell down her face, but she smiled. She traced with page with reverence.

Little Finn reached forward from his place in her arms and pressed his tiny palm against his father's picture. He let out a soft gurgle, and Annie whispered to him, "Look at how handsome your daddy is."

I had to leave the room in fear of them seeing me cry.

Soon Little Finn began to fuss, and he and Annie retired to their bedroom for the night. Peeta and I followed suit soon after. We laid next to each other in bed, spooning, and he gushed about the baby.

"He's like Annie, you know. Quiet and thoughtful. But when he laughs he seems just like Finnick, you know?"

"Yes, he does," I agreed with a yawn.

"I noticed you didn't hold him," Peeta mused. I tensed.

"So what if I didn't?"

"I was just wondering why, that's all."

"You know why, Peeta," I grumbled.

"Okay, okay," he conceded. Peeta leaned up and kissed my lips. "Goodnight. I love you."

"Love you, too," I mumbled, snuggling into his chest. He began to trace patterns on my arm, and soon I was asleep.

_The ocean waves crashed against the shore and licked at my feet. My hair was down, flying behind my head like a cape as the wind tickled my face. He stood beside me in silence, his bronze hair tousled from the wind and his hands. I turned to him, and he flashed me his signature smile. _

_"Hey Finnick," I said softly._

_"Brainless," he shot back. I chuckled. "Or is only Johanna allowed to call you that?"_

_"No one is allowed to call me that," I retorted. Finnick laughed. I relished in the sound. I let it wrap around me like a blanket and sink into my skin, making me chuckle as well. _

_"I see that Peeta finally got you to cave?" he asked, nodding to the ring on my finger. I twirled it between my thumb and forefinger with a grin. _

_"He did."_

_"Tell me, how did he win you over?" he teased. "Was it the cupcakes?"_

_"It was the bread."_

_Finnick reached an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. I rested my head on his shoulder. He smelled of saltwater and honey and sunshine._

_"Of course it was the bread, Brainless. Everyone knew it but you."_

_"So I've been told," I said, scowling. _

_"I'm not even looking at you and I know you're frowning. It's not very becoming of a young lady, you know."_

_I laughed and playfully hit his stomach. "Oh, how I've missed you Finnick Odair."_

_"You know I'd be there if I could be," he said lowly. A lump formed in my throat. "I'd give anything to be there right now."_

_"I'm so sorry," I choked out. "It's my fault that you're not here. "It's my fault that a lot of people aren't here-"_

_"Oh, shut up," Finnick groaned. "I knew what I was getting into, just as everyone else did. I knew, Boggs knew, Mags knew, and even Prim knew. We knew there was a possibility that we were going to die. But look at everything that's been accomplished. Of course I want nothing more to be there with all of you, but that would mean changing the past, and changing all of the good that came from our sacrifices."_

_His hand wiped a tear from my cheek. "Don't cry, Katniss. You've done enough crying in your lifetime."_

_I sniffled and wiped my eyes. My heart was throbbing. _

_"How is he?" Finnick asked quietly. "How's my boy, Katniss?"_

_I thought of little Finn with a smile. "He has your name. I was surprised that Annie named him after you. I thought it would be too painful of a reminder."_

_"Annie is a lot stronger than everyone thinks she is," Finnick protested adamantly. "She's just somewhere else sometimes."_

_I remembered Annie's far off stares during dinner and when we showed her the book. _

_"He looks just like you, Finnick. He has your eyes, and your smile. He doesn't have any teeth yet, but his hair is growing in nice and blonde. But he has Annie's disposition. He is very alert but very quiet. It was like he was watching all of us." I chuckled at a memory. "But when Peeta held him, he just kind of..came to life. He giggled a little bit, and it reminded me of you."_

_"Peeta's father material," Finnick commented. "He'd be the best father to your children, you know that, right?"_

_I nodded. "Of course he would be. I couldn't have children with anyone but him."_

_"But...?" Finnick prompted. _

_"But it's still too dangerous. Nothing lasts forever, not even peace."_

_"You're never going to enjoy yourself with that attitude, Katniss."_

_I sighed. "I know. I'm working on it."_

_Finnick chuckled. "What about my blushing bride?"_

_"Annie is...coping," I said. "You're right. She is strong. Little Finn is like her anchor, just like you were. Sometimes she looks so far gone that I think she's going to fly away, but then Finn will cry, or touch her face, and it's like she's a completely different person. He keeps her sane, now."_

_"Don't fly away, little sparrow, I'm right here." Finnick murmured. I arched an eyebrow. _

_"Hmm?"_

_"Nothing," Finnick said. "It's just something I used to say to Annie when she would go...somewhere else."_

_He bit his lip, and looked at me worriedly. "Do you think she'll find...someone else?"_

_My brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"_

_"Little Finn needs a father, Katniss. Annie can't just live alone for the rest of her life."_

_I stepped away from him, outraged. "Finn has a father. His name is Finnick Odair, and he is possibly the bravest man I've ever met. Annie loved- _loves_- you more than anything. You will never, _ever_ be replaced. Do you hear me?"_

_I could see tears glistening in Finnick's eyes. "Thank you, Katniss."_

_I stepped back towards my friend and he wrapped me tightly in his arms, and I squeezed him tightly. "Thank you so much, Katniss."_

_Finnick released me after a moment and wiped his eyes. "Now, go wake up. I'm sure Peeta's already awake and gazing at you lovingly as you dream about another man."_

_"Finnick!" I cried. He laughed, and for a second I saw the Finnick I knew before the Rebellion. _

_"You know I'm kidding, Katniss."_

_I rolled my eyes. I could already feel myself resurfacing. _

_"And Katniss?" he called. _

_"Yeah?"_

_There was a touch of sadness in his eyes, but he still smiled. _

_"Give my son a kiss from me?"_

_I bit my lip and nodded. "Of course."_

My dream dissolved and my eyes fluttered open, and the first thing I saw was Peeta's blue eyes staring at me. I chuckled at Finnick's accuracy.

"Good morning," Peeta said, leaning over to kiss me. I caressed his cheek, then pulled away and stood up.

"I'll be right back," I told him, and he nodded.

I slipped out of our bedroom and down the hall to where Annie was sleeping. Her bedroom door was slightly ajar, and when I peaked in I could see her asleep on the bed, with baby Finn tucked into the crook of his arm.

As if sensing my presence, Finnick's son stirred and sat up unsteadily. I slipped into the room with hunter's feet and crept to the edge of the bed. Finn gazed at me with bleary eyes .

Tentatively, I reached my arms out and brushed the hair on the top of his head. Finn reached out his arms for me, and without thinking I scooped him up.

His weight felt foreign in my arms. It had been years since I held a child- since Prim was an infant. But I tucked him into my arms with a tenderness that is not forgotten no matter how long it's been.

"Hi," I said softly. Finn stared at me, occasionally blinking. "Hi, Finn."

I cleared my throat. "I, um, I saw your daddy while I was sleeping. He was asking about you, and I told him how much you looked like him. It's unfair that you didn't get to meet him."

I sniffled, but continued. "He was so funny. He was always making everybody laugh. And he loved your mother more than anything. And he loves you, too. He loves you so much."

Finn let out a soft noise, and touched the side of my face. Eyes tearing, I bent down and pressed a gently kiss to his forehead.

He smelled just like Finnick- like saltwater and honey and sunshine.

Annie started to shift on the bed, and I could see her hands splay out, searching for her son. Quickly, I placed Little Finn back down on the bend, and she curled around him. I looked at them for a moment, then wiped my eyes and tiptoed back into my room.

Peeta was sitting up against the headboard, sketching. I crawled back under the covers and nestled into his side. He was drawing Baby Finn, when Peeta had made him laugh last night.

"Where did you go?" he asked me.

"To see Finn," I murmured against his chest.

"You did?" Peeta asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I did."

Peeta was quiet for a moment as he shaded into Finn's lips. "I'm glad you did."

I closed my eyes and smiled.

"Me, too."

* * *

**Wow. I'm not going to lie- I teared up quite a few times writing this.**

**Finnick is my favorite character of the whole trilogy. There is a special place in my heart reserved just for him, and I am still reeling over his death. This has been my favorite chapter to write, however, because I desperately wanted to introduce Annie and Baby Finn into the plot. (I'm sorry if some of you don't like the fact that Annie named him Finnick. I can't really see her naming him anything else.)**

**Don't forget to vote on the name of K & P's son! The poll is on my profile and it closes on March 18th!**

**Next chapter: The Toasting!**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	22. Chapter Twenty-One

**Did any fellow sub-josh readers notice the anchor/sparrow reference last chapter? ;) **

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

There were no lights on in the house. Two candles lit the kitchen, where the bread was finishing up in the oven. A roaring fire cast shadows over the living room. A piece of paper sat on the kitchen table, the ink not yet dry. There were four signatures. The first belonging to the new Mayor of District Twelve, Eli Javen, who had just bid the couple a good night. The second belonging to Peeta Mellark, who scrawled his name hastily with a shaking hand. The third belonging to Katniss Everdeen, who wrote her name in a tiny, messy scrawl. The fourth and final signature was written extremely slowly, with care and reverence. _Katniss Mellark._

But she wasn't Katniss Mellark, not yet. Legally, yes. But Katniss would not consider herself Peeta's wife until they toasted the bread.

There was a ding from the timer, and Peeta hastily opened the oven. Katniss sat cross-legged on the hearth in front of the fireplace. Her heart was pounding, and she tried in vain to slow it.

_This is Peeta_, she told herself. _You love him. He loves you. Why are you so nervous?_

Peeta emerged from the kitchen, carrying a plate in his hands. He sunk down to the floor across from me and placed the plate between us. The fire crackled and we pretended not to acknowledge that the others' hands were shaking.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Katniss?" Peeta asked timidly. My eyes snapped up to his.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Newfound courage let our hands hold the bread without tremors as it toasted over the flames. I made eye contact with Peeta and shifted my hand so that our pinkie fingers touched. The corners of his eyes crinkled as his lips curled into a smile.

"Do you mind if I say something?" Peeta asked once our bread was toasted. We placed our pieces back on the plate to cool.

"Be my guest," I said lightly, anticipating his need to speak. I had thought of a few words to say myself over the past few days. Annie and Little Finn had returned to District Four about one week ago, and the evening after they left I suggested that we have the toasting soon.

Neither Peeta nor I wanted anything elaborate. We didn't even tell Haymitch until a few hours ago. I will call my mother in the morning and let her know, as well as write a letter to Gale and Annie, both with whom I promised to be in regular correspondence.

I placed the plate of bread to the side and slid forward so that my knees where touching Peeta's. I grabbed his hands and clasped them tightly in mine.

Peeta brought our knuckles to his mouth and kissed them tenderly before beginning to speak.

"I love you, Katniss Everdeen. I love you, and I promise that I will love you ever minute of every day for the rest of our lives together. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that we wake up next to each other in the morning and fall asleep together every night. I promise to help you through your nightmares and make you laugh when your days get bad. I will make you all of the cheese buns you want, and I'll rub your shoulders after you hunt. I promise to be your best friend, your husband, your lover, and above all I promise to never let a day go by without showing you how much you mean to me."

I could not fathom a time where I had ever heard sweeter or more sincere words. I allowed a few stray tears to fall as I leaned in a gently kissed the man I-in just a few moments-will call my husband.

"That was beautiful, Peeta," I murmured. His eyes sparkled with happiness and I could detect a few tears trying to force their way out. "Can I say something, too?"

"I thought you weren't good at saying something," Peeta joked. I laughed and playfully squeezed his hands.

"I've been getting better at a lot of things," I answered coyly.

"Then, please, go ahead!"

I chuckled, then took a deep breath. My heart was fluttering like one hundred little birds against my ribcage and I hope that my palms didn't start to sweat.

"Peeta. Peeta Mellark. Do you want to know when I first realized that I loved you?"

He nodded.

"I have cared for you for longer than I can remember. Ever since you threw me that bread you had a place in my heart. Throughout everything that we experienced together I found myself caring for you more and more. But that day, on the beach, during the Quell-"

My voice broke and I cleared my throat. "When you showed me the locket, the one with Gale's picture...That was when I knew.

"In that instance, I could see how much you truly cared for me. You were so ready to die for me, and on top of that, you were showing me..I don't know how to say it...You showed me that picture of Gale and it was like to you showing me something to fight for."

I sucked in a breath and used our entwined hands to brush the tears from my face.

"But then I realized that I only wanted to fight for you."

Peeta choked out a laugh as tears fell freely from his eyes.

"I mean it now, when I say that you don't have competition anywhere, Peeta. It's you. I has always been you and it will be you forever. My promise to you is that I will never, ever, forget how much you mean to me. I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you that I love you more than anything or anyone else. I am so happy that I am marrying you, Peeta. I am so happy, and so lucky to be able to call myself your wife, because there is no man as brave, and strong, and caring, and kind, and _good_ as you are. I love you so much, Peeta."

My voice cracked at the last sentence and Peeta swiftly pulled me onto his lap and into his arms. We wrapped our arms tightly around each other and cried tears of happiness.

With one arm still around me, Peeta reached for his piece of bread. Cradling me in his lap, he gently fed it to me, our eyes never breaking contact.

Wordlessly, when I was done, I fed him his. When he swallowed the last bit I lunged forward and captured his lips with mine in a heated, passionate kiss.

Our first kiss as husband and wife.

We made love in front of the fireplace all night long. I had never felt so happy and full of bliss before in my lifetime.

Peeta whispered in my ear as he was rocking against me, "_I love you, Mrs. Mellark,_" and it made my heart swell with joy. It was the first time since our first time that we both cried whilst making love. I clutched him tight to me as we shuddered and cried out.

Peeta had grabbed a blanket off of the couch and laid it over us, and I relished in the warmth. We fell asleep on the hearth, sans clothing, out legs and hands entwined and my head nestled against his chest.

"You're my wife now," Peeta mumbled as we drifted off. "Real or not real?"

"Real," I whispered back. "This will always be real."

* * *

**Woop! Finally!**

**How was it? As lovely and fluffy as it was to write I was very stressed about this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. :) There's only about six chapters left in this story, so stay tuned! I should have a new chapter up pretty soon.**

**Don't forget to vote for the name of K&P's son on the poll located on my profile- voting ends March 18th!**

**As always, you can find me on tumblr as 'katniss-duchannes'.**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	23. Chapter Twenty-Two

I had not set foot on a train in months. I had forgotten how fast they moved- two hundred miles per hour and you hardly feel a thing. My hands shook on my lap and I idly twisted my two rings; the engagement ring and the plain silver band that signified my marriage, its twin just inches away resting on Peeta's finger.

"Could I interest you in anything to eat or drink, Mr. and Mrs. Mellark?"

The train attendant, a portly woman with rosy cheeks who requested that we call her Patsy, stood in the doorway of the train car with a small device in her hands.

"I'm fine, Patsy. Thank you," I mumbled, rubbing my hands on my pants to keep the sweat off.

"Are you sure, Katniss?" Peeta chimed in. He took my hand in his and gently squeezed. "Not even some hot chocolate?"

I tossed around the idea in my mind, my mouth salivating at the thought of the delicious beverage.

"I guess I'd like a cup."

Peeta flashed a grin at Patsy. "Two hot chocolates, please, Patsy."

She pressed a few buttons on the pad in her hands and smiled back at my husband.

Since the toasting with Peeta three weeks prior, I had been in a state of euphoria. After writing Annie and Gale, and calling my mother, Peeta and I had, um, rarely left the house.

About one week ago Peeta and I received a letter from Annie. Enclosed was a picture of a giggling Finn and two train tickets to District Four. At the time it had seemed like a good idea to vacation, but as I rode the train my resolve began to waver.

"Katniss?" Peeta's other hand slid down my thigh until he squeezed my knee. Patsy reappeared and placed our hot chocolates on the table in front of us.

The entire scene was too familiar. I felt as if I was on my way back to the Capitol, about to be thrown into the Arena.

"I need some air," I choked out. I stood up and hastily made my way through the cars until I opened a door and was hit with a blast of air. The speed of the train almost sent me flying backward but I steadied myself.

I took long, deep breaths and attempted to calm the tingling in my fingers and butterflies in my stomach.

"Excuse me," said a voice from behind, "but I'm looking for my wife."

Peeta's arms encircled my waist and he pulled my flush against him.

"I'm not strong enough for this," I whimpered. "I don't know what I was thinking. It's all too soon. It's too familiar."

"When I first saw the tickets," Peeta began slowly. "I almost had a flashback."

I gasped. Peeta hadn't had any episodes in months. There were brief moments where something almost triggered him, but he always remained in control.

"I thought that I was going to lose it. I thought that all progress was going to be for naught because I knew that being back on these trains would take my mind to a very dark place. But I'm trying something new, where I think of all the good things that could happen instead of the bad. I thought about seeing Annie and Little Finn, and going away together for the first time as man and wife. I thought about how beautiful you're going to look on the beach in the sun."

Peeta pressed kisses along the length of my neck.

"I had another thought, too."

"Oh?" I gasped as his mouth found the spot where my neck meets my shoulder. "What was that thought?"

"I was thinking about how we could replace some of the old memories with new ones...more specifically, the memories where we shared a bed."

"I thought we always shared a bed," I teased.

Peeta began tugging me backwards into the car. "I was thinking that we could do some new things in these beds."

This time, when my fingers started tingling, I didn't try to stop it.

Annie Odair was not living in Victor's Village. Her residence was a small cottage on the beach, painted a soft blue with white shutters and a screened in porch overlooking the water. There was only a small kitchen with a tiny table, one bathroom, and two small bedrooms across the hall from each other.

"Little Finn actually sleeps with me, so that's where you and Peeta will be staying," Annie said when I looked into one room and found it bare. "I suppose he'll want his own room when he's older, but for now I keep him close."

There was a pang in my heart again.

At sunset Little Finn began wailing and there was nothing Annie could do to get him to stop. He wasn't hungry, he didn't need to be changed. He refused to fall asleep. Even Peeta couldn't do much to help.

"Katniss," Annie said breathlessly. I looked up at her and was shocked. She was more present than ever, but I don't know why I was surprised- the only person she cared about was screaming. Her son was crying and she didn't know why. Though through the concern and the worry, I saw pain. I knew exactly what she was feeling. She was wishing that Finnick was there, because he would be able to stop the tears in a heartbeat.

"You take him, Katniss."

Before I could utter a word, the screaming boy was shoved into my arms. I grasped him tightly as his wails pierced my ears.

"Try and rock him a bit, Katniss," Peeta urged.

I held him awkwardly in my arms for a few moments before an idea formed in my mind. I shifted Little Finn so that he was leaning forward against my arm, with my other arm keeping him supported between his legs.

I began slowly rocking him back and forth.

Little Finn's cries were strong at first, but after a few rocks he began to calm down and his wails turned into whimpers. I bounced on the balls of my feet and he slowly began to relax in my grip.

"I never even thought to hold him like that," Annie breathed.

I looked up at them. "My, um, my dad used to hold Prim this way," I muttered quickly.

Peeta was beaming at me as Little Finn slowly drifted off to sleep. His light snores replaced the silence in the room and I gently handed him off to Annie so she could lay him down.

"You're great with him Katniss," Peeta said softly. "You'd be a gre-"

"Please don't say it," I whimpered. My arms felt heavy from Little Finn's weight and I suppressed the urge to hold him again.

"Okay," Peeta conceded with a sigh. "Let's go to bed, then."

"We have to be very quiet," Peeta murmured as he moved on top of me. I bit my lip and nodded. He shifted his hips and I dug my finger nails into his back. I couldn't help the whimpers that escaped me, despite Peeta's shushing.

"I love you," I whispered to him. "I love you so much." It was true, and he knew it. I knew he loved me, too. But I also knew that deep down he was hurt, especially after seeing me hold Little Finn. He doesn't push me on it but I know that he wants children so badly, and he's frustrated that I can't give him that.

"I love you," Peeta whispered back. He placed a kiss on my clavicle and minutes later I fell apart, unable to stop the cry that came from me. Peeta followed seconds later, and then collapsed on the bed and pulled me close to him.

I snuggled into his chest, my body still shaking, and listened to the sweet nothings and even breaths that always lulled me to sleep.

I dreamt of a girl with dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes, laughing and skipping through the grass of the meadow, as a toddler with soft grey eyes and hair like the sun chased after her.

* * *

**I guess that wasn't like most honeymoons, but K&P aren't like most people. **

**I'm so sad, everyone! There's only a few chapters left in this story. It will probably be done by the end of this month or the beginning of April. :( However, I will be posting various one shots from the TML universe that will feature a variety of different characters and pairings. (Gale/Johanna anyone?)**

**Don't forget to vote for the name of their son on the poll on my profile- it ends March 18th! (If you are on mobile, I don't think the poll will come up, so make sure you're on your computer.)**

**My tumblr is 'katniss-duchannes'. I will be posting sneak peaks of new chapters and all sorts of neat stuff so make sure you check me out. I'm also always open to talk if anyone ever needs anything. :)**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	24. Chapter Twenty-Three

**This is my longest chapter ever!**

* * *

The second time that we were on the train was easier. Partially because of the new memories they had made that kept dancing through my mind. We had decided to stop in District Seven after visiting Annie and Little Finn for two weeks. I had talked to my mother, who was delighted that we were going to be reunited. Also crossing my mind was Johanna Mason.

As far as I knew, she was still seeking treatment back in her home of District Seven. My mother hadn't mentioned her much during our conversations. I decided that I would do my best to try and get in touch with her.

"We will be arriving in District Seven in about ten minutes."

Patsy was the attendant on the train again. I decided that I liked her. I reached over and shook Peeta's shoulder. He didn't stir from his sleeping position in the chair beside me.

"Peeta," I whispered. he grunted and nestled farther into the plush seat. "Peeta, we're almost in Seven."

"Wakemeupwhenwegetthere," he mumbled. I chuckled.

"We'll be there in a few minutes, Peeta, come on. Open your eyes, baby."

A blue eye peaked out at me curiously. "Baby?"

I blushed and settled back into my seat.

"Is _the_ Katniss Mellark going soft on me?" My husband rolled around in the chair to face me.

"Oh, go back to sleep."

"No, I'm wide awake now!" Peeta sat up straight and stared at me expectantly. "Now, what did you call me?"

"...Baby," I growled. Peeta's eyes lit up.

"Now, was that so hard?" I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Is this going to be a regular occurrence?"

"Not if you keep making a big deal about it."

Peeta smirked and threw his arm around my shoulders. "Don't be mad at me," he purred into my ear. I shivered.

"I'm not mad at you," I whispered back. The train slowed to a halt and Patsy reappeared with a smile.

"We have arrived," she announced.

'Ah, thank you, Patsy!" Peeta exclaimed. He jumped up and extended a hand to me. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. "I'll get our bags," he told me. I nodded and he disappeared.

"You two are something special," Patsy said softly. I smiled over at her.

"Thank you,"

"I watched you, in the Arena," she continued. "You loved each other even then. It was quite lovely to see amidst all the atrocity."

"What District are you from?" I asked. "If you don't mind me asking, that is."

"Oh, I'm not from a District," Patsy said with a laugh. "I'm from the Capitol."

I gaped. Patsy, sweet, endearing Patsy, who seemed like the last person to act like the Capitol folk, was one of them?

"Alright, ready to go?" Peeta said as he reappeared. I spared one last glance at Patsy, who offered me a small smile before moving to another carriage, and nodded.

"Let's go."

* * *

My mother's house was large, despite the fact that she lived alone. It was painted all white and stuck out like a sore thumb in District Seven. Most houses were made from wood or logs, but my mother's stood proudly with its abnormalities between them.

"I like its color," she told me when I commented on it. "The other houses are lovely but I wanted to paint it white because it feels...clean. It feels fresh and new."

I understood what she meant. Moving in with Peeta had been the new start I needed, too.

The house had a large living room and kitchen, with a small but elegant dining room off to the side. Down a narrow hallway was a small room that acted as my mother's office and private study. She showed me some equipment set up there that she used on patients before she took them to the hospital.

"Sometimes a work will injure his hand and come to me first," she explained when she gave us the tour. "I can give him an x-ray, which is a scan of his bones, to see if there is any terrible damage. If there is, I send him to the hospital where there are doctors who specialize in his injury. If there is only minor damage, I am usually qualified to take care of it. It's quicker and cheaper for most people, and I'm happy to help."

"What work do you actually do at the hospital?" Peeta queried. "What is your area of expertise?"

"Well," my mother said slowly, "for the most part I am a general practitioner, which means that I handle everyday cases. But I have the qualifications to be an obstetrician."

I frowned. "What is an obstetrician?"

My mother laughed. "Oh, I keep forgetting! That's the new, medical term for it. It's a form of midwife, I suppose."

My heart caught in my chest. There has been way too much baby talk lately. I could handle holding and playing with Finn for the short time we were there, but I needed to distance myself from anything else before I have a mental breakdown.

I am just _not ready _yet.

My mother seemed to sense my irritation and proceeded with the tour. Upstairs was my mother's bedroom as well as two guest rooms, and two small bathrooms. Peeta put our stuff in the room farthest from my mother's, sparing me a wink which made me blush.

My mother pretended not to see and hid her smile.

We were in the middle of dinner, Peeta animatedly describing the new bakery to my mother, when the front door burst open.

"_Iris_!"

My mother jumped at the sound of her name and rushed to the doorway.

"We have a problem!"

Peeta and I craned our heads around to see who my mother was talking with. I could make out dark hair and a thin build, and her voice struck something inside me...

I jumped up and ran into the entryway.

"Johanna!"

Johanna Mason looked at me for a moment. "Well, fuck. How'ya doin', Brainless?"

Peeta followed up behind me a stopped short at the sight of our old...friend.

"Johanna!" he exclaimed excitedly. "How are you?" He moved forward and enveloped her in a hug, which she awkwardly and stiffly returned.

"I'm doing just amazing, right iris?" Johanna snapped sarcastically. "And how are my favorite murderous lovers?"

I flinched. Peeta wrapped an arm around my waist and squeezed my hip. "Johanna..." he warned. She shook her head in dismissal and turned back to my mother.

"I need you to do something for me," she said to her cryptically. My mother eyed her for a moment before her eyes widened and she nodded.

"Of course," she said solemnly. "Follow me."

They departed down the hall and into my mother's study. The door closed behind them, and then Peeta and I were left in silence.

I turned to him. "What the hell just happened?" I whisper-yelled.

Peeta grimaced and bit his lip. "I think she's in a bit of trouble."

"Well, obviously," I murmured. "It's just...I haven't seen her in so long. I knew she was here, but my mom said she was doing better-"

"Katniss," Peeta interrupted. "I don't think this is about her therapy."

Before I could question what he meant, the door to the office opened. There were some soft mumblings before my mother slipped out and shut the door behind her. She motioned for us to go back to the table.

We took our seats but didn't touch our meals- now gone cold. My mother pursed her lips for a few moments before rubbing her temples and sighing.

"Katniss, Peeta," she said softly. "Johanna has been in District seven with me for almost a year now. I had asked her multiple times if she ever wanted to speak to you-either of you-but she always refused. I don't want you to take it personally, because even though I don't know her reasoning I know it wasn't because of anything you did.

"Her therapy has been going quite well. I can see the results in her day-to-day. But a few months ago, well..."

"Go ahead." Our heads whipped around to where Johanna stood, leaning against the wall. "Tell them, Iris."

My mother was silent. "I'm going to call him," she murmured, standing up and moving into the kitchen. I heard her pick up the phone and press a few buttons.

"Call who?" I asked, frustrated. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I'm knocked up, Brainless," Johanna snapped. "Your mom just confirmed it. She's calling my baby daddy so he can get his but over here and see for himself."

You have got to be kidding me.

Peeta choked on his water. "You're...with someone? And _pregnant_?" he finally sputtered out.

My mother hung up the phone and moved towards us. "He didn't even hang up the phone, i think he just started running," she told Johanna.

She laughed mirthlessly. "He'll be here in about twenty seconds, then."

"_Who_?" I cried. Johanna looked at me strangely.

"You didn't know he was here?"

"_JOHANNA_!" The door banged open again and a tall, dark-haired man ran into the house. "Jo! Where are you-_Oh_."

Gale Hawthorne stood before us.

* * *

My mother took both Johanna and a shell-shocked Gale back into her office. I sat at the table in stunned silence. Peeta stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders soothingly.

"He didn't answer my letters," I finally said. "I mean, I know we haven't been home in weeks, but I hadn't heard from him before I even wrote to him about us getting married. I was sending them to District two when he was in Seven."

Peeta said nothing. I was glad.

"I can't believe..._Johanna_...he was here...she's _pregnant_."

Peeta pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I know, I'm pretty shocked, too, baby."

I chuckled, some of my stress relieving at his term of endearment. "I just feel so left out. I thought we were back to being close again."

"I'm sure he has his reasons, Katniss. Let's hear them out, okay?"

The door opened. Johanna strutted out, a grim yet slightly amused look on her face. Gale followed her, his face pale but his eyes dancing with excitement. My mother came last, looking downright weary.

"I'm getting too old for this drama," she murmured. I laughed and stood up to pull her into a hug.

"Why don't you go to bed, Mom? We'll clean up down here, and I think the four of us need to have a little chat."

My mother nodded and kissed my forehead. "I've missed you, Katniss. I'll see you in the morning, honey."

_Honey._ The last time she called me that I was seven years old. I smiled. "I've missed you, too."

"Alright, sit down, Brainless."

Johanna had her feet propped up on the kitchen table, having shoved our plates aside with her toes. I scowled.

"Well, I guess we're done with our food," Peeta mumbled.

He took a seat and pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and nestled into my husband's chest.

"Well, I see congratulations are in order." Gale finally spoke, eyes wide as he saw our rings. I laughed.

"Oh, yeah. You see, you would've known about it earlier if you had answered my letters- or at least told me that you weren't in Two," I said accusingly. Gale flushed.

"Aw, don't be too hard on my baby daddy," Johanna bellowed. "He couldn't focus on much of anything after he got into my pants."

"Jo!" Gale said, appalled. Peeta stifled a chuckle into my back.

"I'm really sorry, Catnip," Gale said sincerely. "I was transferred to Seven without warning-but I was told I was only going to be there for a little while. I didn't think it would be more than two weeks until I was back in Two."

"I'm pretty hard to resist. Don't you know that much, Brainless?" Johanna teased. "Once he got a taste, he couldn't go back to all the other drab girls in Two."

Gale chuckled, finally regained color in his face. "I'm not sure that's exactly how I remember it."

"Yeah, well it's how I remember it," Johanna said dismissively. She stood up and stretched her limbs, yawning. "I'm tired. You're staying at my house tonight, Gorgeous. Let's go."

Gale obediently stood up and wrapped an arm around his woman. They bid us a goodnight and Peeta made them promise to return for breakfast in the morning. They agreed, and soon enough Johanna dragged him out the door.

Peeta shut the door behind them with an exasperated sigh, and I began clearing the table.

"This day was a whole lot more eventful than I had anticipated," he said, coming to help me. We put the last plate into the sink and I leaned against the countertop.

"Tell me about it," I groaned.

"I never thought I'd see the day that Gale Hawthorne was whipped." My husband chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. I relaxed instantly- it was the first kiss we had shared since being on the train. Far too long, in my book.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'd say I have you pretty whipped, too," I whispered playfully into his ear.

"Oh, you think so?" Peeta's hands ran up and down my sides, trailing a little higher and lower than would be appropriate in public.

Good thing we aren't in public.

"Let's go to bed," I moaned as he nibbled at my neck.

"Anything you wish, my beautiful bride."

Peeta scooped me into his arms and skillfully maneuvered me up the stairs and into the bedroom farthest from my mother's room.

What a wise decision that was.

* * *

**And that's a wrap!**

**At least for this chapter. Fortunately, there are more chapters to come! Unfortunately, there are only three left. :(**

**Also, I will soon have a one shot posted that describes exactly how Gale and Johanna found each other. ;)**

**Voting for the name of Katniss and Peeta's son ends of March 18th! Vote on the poll on my profile soon. **

**Thanks so much for reading! I love and appreciate all of you!**

**I'm on tumblr as 'katniss-duchannes'. Come and chat with me- _I also post sneak peaks of new chapters!_**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	25. Chapter Twenty-Four

We returned to Twelve towards the end of February. A thick layer of snow coated the ground and there was a biting wind that I did not miss during our stay in the warmer Districts. Haymitch was waiting for us as the train pulled into the station. His face was grim.

"Sae's dead."

Out of all the words I had expected to spew from our old mentor's mouth, those were the last.

"What did you say?" Peeta asked. Haymitch didn't avert his gaze from me.

"Sae died. Yesterday morning. They're burying her tonight. Thought you should know."

* * *

Greasy Sae's home was too tiny to house so many people. Her granddaughter wandered the masses deliriously, alternating between crying and staring off into space. No one spoke a word to her.

Peeta gripped my hand tightly as we weaved through the people. There were new faces, probably friends she made in Thirteen, as well as old faces that I hadn't seen in a long time. She was being buried behind her house in one hour.

"Excuse me?" The mayor stood in the center of everyone, holding a weathered sheet of paper.

"May I have everyone's attention, please?" The mumblings ceased and the mayor cleared his throat.

"I have here the final wishes of our beloved Sae Coleman, may she rest in peace. I would like to read them to you."

Greasy Sae's granddaughter found her way over to me and squeezed my hands. I didn't think twice about pulling her into my arms, and she nestled her face into my neck.

The mayor began to read.

"_I'm not stupid, everyone. I know I'm the oldest woman in the District, and I know I'm sick. I know that I only have a few days left. But that doesn't mean I have to sit and mope around, so I'm writing this to anyone who finds it so when I'm gone you aren't all left some great mess._

"_Whoever wants- no, _needs_- my house can have it. Distribute my clothes, though I don't know why anyone would want them, to all those in need of them. I don't have very many belongings, but all of those go to my granddaughter._

"_Lida, my granddaughter. She's the sweetest thing, and I'm so sorry that I'm leaving you, baby. Ms. Cartwright is going to take care of you now, sweetness. You know she's a nice lady._"

My eyes scanned the room, and sure enough, sniffling in the corner, was Delly Cartwright. I smiled. I hadn't known she was back in the District.

"_Katniss Everdeen_," the mayor said suddenly, and I looked back to him in confusion. "_Or now, Katniss Mellark. I want you to have my store. You can run it while your husband works at the bakery. They're only a few minutes away from each other, and I'm sure you'll appreciate the closeness._"

There were a few titters from the crowd and Peeta nudged me with his hip. I smirked.

"_That's about it for me. I want you all to know that I thoroughly enjoyed my life, and I am so proud to be able to bear witness to the fantastic changes that are being made. I have hope for us, for the District, and for all of Panem. I think we all know who to thank for that._"

The mayor folded up the paper and rubbed his hands together. "I believe that settles that. We will now proceed outside for the burial."

* * *

I had expected to feel more. I was very upset, don't get me wrong. I cried a bit when they lowered Sae into the ground. She had been a constant figure in my life, one of the only ones, and now she was gone. Just like almost everyone else.

But I didn't fall apart. I remained calm as I soothed Lida and talked to Delly, who was excited to be her guardian. I was shaking as I was approached by other mourners, but I kept my cool.

We got home and I sat on the floor of the shower and cried until my husband opened the door and wrapped his arms around my soaked body. He tried me off and helped me into pajamas and wrapped his strong, warm body around mine in bed. But I was still there. I didn't leave.

Peeta told me that it was progress.

I had my first nightmare in a long time. I dreamt of crying children and burning houses and Peeta's lifeless body. I woke up screaming and frantic and grabbing at my husband to make sure that he was still there, and he promised never to leave me.

I let his words console me, and didn't listen to the nagging voice in the back of my head that told me those weren't his promises to make.

* * *

My first day working at Sae's- my- store was lonely. There were plenty of customers, but during the times when there wasn't the silence crept up on me.

Around noon there was a knock at the window behind me and I jumped. My husband stood there, waving with an adorable smile on his face and a small white bag in his hand.

"I brought you lunch," he said. In the bag were three cheese buns and small blueberry muffin.

"My hero," I pretended to swoon. Peeta lifted me up and placed me on the counter.

"I am your knight in shining armor, aren't I?"

"Oh, of course," I teased. Peeta nuzzled his nose to mine. "You saved me."

I didn't realize how true those words were until I said them. Peeta grinned widely, humoring me.

"From what did I save you, beautiful?"

"From myself."

My husband captured my lips with his. My fingers found purchase in his blonde locks and his hands grabbed at my hips.

"You know I love you, right?" I whispered breathlessly. "More than anything."

"And I, you," Peeta responded. "Always have, always will."

I grinned cheekily.

"I like the sound of that."

* * *

**Yes, I know this chapter is a bit short. I was thinking about making it longer by combining it with the next chapter, but I decided to leave it as is. It's a bit of a transition chapter, anyway. The next chapter is the last, and then the epilogue will follow. **

** I will probably have the next update up soon, but the epilogue will probably take a bit of time because I plan on making it quite long and detailed. **

**(We're so close to the end, everyone! :'( )**

**The poll for K&P's son's name ends tomorrow! Vote while you can. :)**

**As always, find me on tumblr: 'katniss-duchannes'**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	26. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Two Months Later**

We finished the book today, this morning actually.

Or rather, we added everyone we could think of and tucked it away until there came a day when we had to add someone new.

It looks beautiful. Peeta was able to flawlessly capture every single detail of every person, place, and object involved, whether it was the color of Finnick's eyes or the texture of Rue's hair or the full, infectious smile of my father, a man he had never even met.

I closed up the store early and decided to head over to the bakery to surprise Peeta. It was March 8th, his birthday. Only he didn't know that I knew it was his birthday. I had snuck a peak at his form when we filled out our marriage certificates. I wasn't sure if he knew mine or not, but I didn't care about that. I wanted to surprise him. I wanted him to have this.

I came in through the back entrance. Mica was kneading a ball of dough with his back towards me. I cleared my throat, and he turned.

"Hey, Katniss!" he greeted me cheerfully. I pressed a finger to my lips and motioned for him to be quiet.

"I'm going to surprise Peeta. Where is he, out front or in his office?"

"Um, he's working the counter," Mica replied in a whisper. "Why are you trying to surprise him?"

"It's his birthday. He turns nineteen today."

It struck me then, the absurdity of our situation. At nineteen years old, we were married and each in charge of our own businesses. It was incredible, our success, but also left me with a hollow feeling. If there had never been a Rebellion, Peeta would have probably be working for his parents and I would have been...who knows where I would have been. I probably would have married Gale and he would be working in the mines.

I shook the thought from my head. That was the past- a fake past, a past that would have never worked. I loved my present. I loved my husband. And despite everything that had happened, I am learning to truly love my life.

I tiptoed through the doorway on hunter's feet. Peeta had his back to me, talking animatedly with a customer. I craned my head to see who it was.

Ophelia Ray was niece of the apothecary owner. Her mother had died in childbirth and her father was killed during the bombings. She was three years older than Peeta and I, and had just returned to the District last month. The new surplus of food had served her well. I took note of the voluptuous curve of her waist, the healthy glow to her skin, and the ample cleavage that was angled at my husband. She had hair a burning red that twirled across her shoulders and down to her waist and a pair of ruby red lips to match. Her blue eyes blinked furiously as she shamelessly flirted with my husband.

"I just _love_ your muffins, Peeta. They taste simply divine. I just wish you could work in my house and bake them for me all day," Ophelia giggled. "It would be nice to have some company in that big, empty house of mine."

"Well, maybe you should get a pet, then," I snapped, walking forward. Peeta jumped and gaped at me.

"Katniss!" he gasped in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just thought I'd come pay my _husband_ a nice visit," I said as I stalked up to the counter. I shot Ophelia a glare as I wrapped an arm around Peeta's waist. he looked down at me with a smile.

"Well, anyway, Peeta," Ophelia tried to continue, "I was thinking that maybe you could come over one day and maybe teach me how to make them?"

"I don't think so," I said before Peeta could open his mouth. "You see, that's a Mellark family recipe, and you are not family."

Ophelia's face twisted into a frown. "Excuse me, you little bi-"

"Ophelia!" Peeta exclaimed. "How about I give you a few muffins on the house. I'm sorry, but we will be closing early today and I want to get this place cleaned up."

Ophelia pouted, but nodded and Peeta went to grab her a few treats. She shot me a nasty glare as soon as his back was turned.

"I'll get my bow," I whispered sweetly, plastering a fake smile onto my face. Her frown wavered, and she ran a hand through her hair nervously.

"Here you go, Ophelia!" Peeta said, presenting her with a small bag. "Take care now."

"Thanks, Peeta," she said sweetly, albeit less enthusiastically. She took the bag and sauntered towards the door. "I'll be back soon!"

"Like hell you will," I grumbled. Peeta's arms encircled my waist and pulled me close. The door jiggled as Ophelia slammed it behind her, and I turned to face my husband.

"I don't like her," I snapped. Peeta chuckled.

"That's stating the obvious," he murmured. "But may I ask why?"

"_Why_?" I exploded. "She was obviously interested in you, Peeta! I mean, she's gorgeous and single and has beautiful, unscarred skin and is not screwed up in the head. She was asking you to _live at her house_, Peeta! And you're-"

"A married man who loves his wife more than anything and wouldn't trade her for all the women in the world." Peeta finished for me. "Ophelia is nothing to me, baby. I didn't even think she was that pretty."

I scoffed. "Of course she's pretty, Peeta. She's practically perfect. And I bet you she doesn't have days of catatonia."

"Where is all this coming from?" Peeta asked worriedly. I shuffled my feet and played with the tip of my braid. "Are you _jealous_?"

"No."

"Katniss..."

"No, Peeta, I'm not." I spat.

"I think you are," Peeta whispered, pressing a kiss to the skin below my ear. "But do you want to know a secret?"

I grunted in response.

"I hate it when we go into town because you are the most stunning woman I have ever seen, and the other men take notice. Don't you see the way they look at you? It makes me want to strangle them all if they so much as glance your way."

My husband nipped the skin of my neck and my knees wobbled.

"I think you're pretty biased," I hissed. Peeta chuckled against my throat.

"I think you're jealous," he responded. He pulled back and looked at me strangely. "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here? Don't you work the store until five today?"

I shrugged and offered him a small smile. "Maybe I wanted to help my husband celebrate his birthday."

"My birthday...? Oh! Katniss!" Peeta pulled me tight against him and kissed my forehead. "I didn't know you knew it was my birthday."

"I know you didn't," I mumbled against his chest. "I wanted to surprise you but I ruined it by being jealous and crazy."

Peeta chuckled. "So you are jealous, hmm?"

"Hush."

"Hey, Mica!" Peeta called. Mica poked his head around the corner. "Would you mind running the store for the rest of the day? My wife and I have some business to take care of."

"Alright, Boss," Mica said, suggestively waggling his eyebrows. "I hope you take care of all your _business_."

I blushed furiously, and Mica laughed. Peeta grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door.

* * *

"Well, happy birthday to me," Peeta said breathlessly. His bare chest heaved up and down, and his blonde curls stuck to the sweat on his forehead. I I crawled up the bed from my spot below him and pressed a kiss to his lips. My muscles felt shaky and I didn't trust myself to hold up my body, so I collapsed on top of him.

"Do you want your present now?" I murmured.

"My present?" Peeta asked. "First of all, you didn't need to get me anything, Katniss. And secondly, I think this was a gift in itself," he said, gesturing to our naked bodies.

"Of course I needed to get you something," I replied. I raised a finger to my lips and blew, and a low whistle rang through the house.

"Um, Katniss...?"

"Just wait," I told him. Soon there was the sound of tiny paws against the floor, and nails scratching at the door. I reached down and grabbed Peeta's boxers off the floor and slipped his shirt over my head. Then I gradually stood and on shaking legs went to open the door.

The small, golden puppy trotted into the room.

"A dog?" Peeta asked in disbelief. "You got me a dog?"

I picked up the little guy and placed him on Peeta's lap. "He's super well-trained. He stayed in the guest room all day and didn't move until I called for him."

"What's his name?" Peeta asked, scratching behind the pup's ears.

"That's your decision," I said. "He's yours."

Peeta paused, rubbing his chin. "I think I'll call him Benji," he said, "and he is _ours_."

Benji barked at the sound of his name. "I think he likes it," I laughed.

"Thank you, Katniss," Peeta said seriously. "I love him."

"I figured that he would be a nice addition to our family," I mumbled. "I know you want kids and I'm not ready yet, but I feel like Benji could be like our baby until I'm ready."

Peeta was reaching across the puppy and pulling me close to him. His mouth found mine and he kissed me tenderly.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. "I love you, too."

Benji jumped off the bed and started pacing the room and whining. Peeta looked at me curiously. "What's he doing?"

"I don't kn-Oh. Oh, no."

Benji squatted down in the corner.

"Shit," Peeta mumbled.

"Oh yes he is," I mumbled back. Then I looked at him. "He's your dog."

"He's _our_ dog."

"I don't want to clean that up!"

"Do you think _I_ do?"

I groaned, and looked at Benji who was giving us a sheepish look. "Why don't we both just do it?"

"Together?" Peeta asked. I grinned, and kissed my husband tenderly.

"Together."

We both groaned and pulled ourselves out of bed.

* * *

That night we held each other close. Benji was asleep at the foot of our bed, and my head was tucked into Peeta's chest.

"This was the best birthday ever," he said. I grinned.

"I'm glad you liked it."

"You're the best wife ever."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"I would."

I chuckled into my husband's chest. "You're biased."

"You're beautiful."

"What has gotten into you?" I asked. Peeta smiled down at me.

"I just realized how happy we're going to be."

I smiled back at him. "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

"I think we'll be just fine as long as we're with each other."

I held out my hand. "Together?"

Peeta knotted his fingers through mine and kissed my knuckles.

"Together."

* * *

**That's all, folks! Stay tuned for the epilogue!**

**You guys have been amazing. **

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	27. Epilogue

**This will be the final installment of Ten Million Lifetimes. **

**I would like to extend my deepest and most sincere thanks to every single reader, reviewer, and to everyone who added myself and this story to their favorites and alerts. This is my first fanfiction, and it marks an important milestone. Not only is this my first fanfiction, it is my first ever completed work. I am so grateful for all of the support I have received. Hopefully, when I write my first book, I will be blessed with the same unwavering support that you guys have given me. **

**Stay tuned for an AN at the bottom, everyone.**

**Now, without further adieu, here is the epilogue of Ten Million Lifetimes.**

* * *

I am in pain.

I am no stranger to pain. I have experienced my fair share of turmoil through my thirty-four years. I have been starved, cut, burned, and beaten. I have been used, tortured, and broken.

But this is a pain like no other.

My mother stands on my right, her blonde hairs faded to white, gently moping the sweat from my forehead. She is calm yet firm, and attentive to every wave of pain I have felt throughout the last four hours. Every half hour she checks between my legs, but so far I am not ready.

Peeta stands on my left, my hand clamped between his where we alternate squeezing each other until we cut off the other's circulation. His face is pale but his eyes shine with unbridled excitement. I ache for this to be over soon. I ache to finally give him a child.

It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree. After the first seven years of me refusing it began to take a toll on our marriage. It frustrated Peeta that I could be so good with Little Finn and Gale and Johanna's son and still not want a child of my own. He began to bring up trying more and more, and I would shoot him down quicker and more brutally, until finally the nights were ending with full-blown arguments.

For one whole week he stayed with Haymitch, and I did not see him once.

We made up, of course. Our love for each other is stronger than our anger. For a long time neither of us breathed a word about children. Then, on Peeta's thirtieth birthday he asked me again, albeit much timidly than he had in the past. He mumbled the idea to me between a mouthful of squirrel and couldn't even look me in the eye.

I said maybe.

Every few months, he would ask again, growing a bit more confident each time. I continued to turn him down without saying no. It seemed that every time I felt myself wavering, when a couple brought their adorable newborn into the store or the bakery, or when Gale and Johanna called to announce that she was pregnant for the third time, there was another sign telling me to say no. A little girl tripped down the steps and broke her arm. Mrs. O'Harne's son lost his sight after coming down with a nasty fever. Pori Masher miscarrying for the third time.

I couldn't bear to love something so much and have it be ripped away. I had already taken a risk and allowed myself to love Peeta, and he was taken away, too.

But he was brought back. I would remind myself of that as often as possible. I got him back. I got him back, and that is a reminder that things can be good again, no matter how bad our loses. There is always something to be grateful for.

So, one day, after fifteen years of asking, I said yes.

"Katniss," my mother says smoothly. "It's time now. When another contraction hits you're going to have to pu-"

I am way ahead of her. Another wave of searing pain hits and I clench Peeta's hand tight. I scream louder than I ever thought I could and push, push, _push_.

Nothing. It feels like I've hit a wall, but the pain won't fade.

"It's okay, Katniss, you're doing great," my mother assures me. "Just keep pushing when you feel like you have to."

Peeta pushes sweaty strands of hair away from my forehead and kisses my temple. "You've got this baby. She's almost here. We'll meet her soon."

I suppose it was inevitable that Peeta and I would fight over the gender of our unborn child. When I first told him I was pregnant, even though I was so scared I could barely form the words, he began talking about our daughter. I didn't know if it was my genuine belief or my subconscious desire to irk him, but I was adamant that I was carrying a boy.

In truth, I was petrified to be actually carrying a baby at all.

I push again. I'm crying now, and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

"I can see a head, Katniss!" my mother cries excitedly. "You're almost done. Just one more push!"

"Do you hear that, Katniss?" Peeta says enthusiastically. "Just one more push! Come on, baby, you're doing so good."

I push again. I feel like my body is being ripped in half, and-briefly-I wonder if my child will be worth all of this pain.

Then there is crying. The piercing wail of an infant.

A wave of calm washes over me, and I almost moan at the reprieve from the pain. My mother swaddles the squirming baby in one of my blankets, and Peeta eagerly takes the child.

His eyes light up as bright as the stars, and a single tear rolls down his cheek. He gasps out a laugh. My mother works between my legs for a moment and then she is at my side again.

"We have a daughter," Peeta says softly, awestruck.

"Let me," I croak, holding out my weak arms. Peeta grins widely at me and gently places the bundle into my arms.

I gaze down upon my daughter. Her face is splotchy and red, and she is crying so loud I'm afraid the windows will shatter. Atop her head is a small mop of dark hair, and her nose is scrunched up just like mine used to when I was younger. Her lips are a bright red, and when she opens her eyes I am rewarded with the sight of beautiful, familiar, sparkling blue.

I have never seen anything more magnificent in my whole life.

Peeta tilts my head up and I am reluctant to look away from our daughter. He kisses me softly, but the meaning is there.

"Thank you," he breathes against my lips.

I smile down at our daughter. _Yes_, I think. _She is worth it_.

* * *

My daughter is very eager to meet her baby brother. I could hear her chatting loudly with Haymitch outside the bedroom door.

"...And Mama says we _hafta_ be _weally_ quiet when The Baby is sweepin' because if he wakes up den he's gonna cry. I don't like it when people cry, 'specially babies, cause they are so wittle. _Oh_! Do you fink dat The Baby is gonna like Daddy's cheesy buns? I like 'em a _whole_ _lot_, so I kinda hope he doesn't like 'em so I can have 'em all to myself."

Peeta and I chuckle quietly as we listen to our daughter prattle on. I gently caress the hairless head of my son, and he stars back at us with gray eyes.

"He's going to be just like you," Peeta whispers. I turn my head to him.

"Oh? How do you figure that?"

"Well," he says, tracing our son's face with his finger. "Look at him. Look at how calm he is, as opposed to Miss Chatty Pants out there."

Our daughter was now explaining in great detail to Haymitch how sick she felt after she ate four cheesy buns in a row. At three years old, she was a bit advanced for her age. Most of the time, she excessive chatter was adorable, but when there was a four-hour-old baby trying to snooze, I would prefer it if she was a bit quieter.

"Can you get her?" I ask my husband. Peeta smiles, and kisses both of our foreheads before slipping out of the bed. He opens the door and sticks his head into the hallway.

"Briar?" he calls softly. "Do you want to meet your baby brother?"

Briar Lauren Mellark squeals, and I cover my son's tiny ears with my hands. Peeta carries in our daughter, and she eagerly cranes around his arms to see the tiny bundle.

"He's so _wittle_," she breathes, in awe. Peeta places her on the foot of the bed, and she slowly crawls up to my side, as she does so often in the mornings.

I adjust my arms so that his tiny face is visible.

"Remember what I said, Briar," I tell her. She nods solemnly.

"We hafta be _quiet_," Briar whispers, even placing a finger to her rosy lips. I smile widely and nod.

"That's right. You're such a good listener, honey."

Tentatively, Briar reaches her small hand out. Her index finger brushes the side of her little brother's nose. He stirs slightly, and coughs, but otherwise doesn't wake up.

"Does he have a name yet?" Haymitch grunts from the doorway. Peeta ushers him in but shakes his head.

"Not yet. Do you have any suggestions?"

Haymitch scoffs as he walks in. "I've been hearing you two blabber about baby names for the past nine months and he still doesn't have one?"

"None of them are right for him," I say. Briar pats my arm.

"Momma," she whispers, "Momma, _I_ know a name fo him."

Peeta grins lovingly at our daughter. "What are you thinking, sweatpea?"

Briar leans in, dramatically cupping her hand around her mouth as she whispers the name into my ear. I smile, and lean over and whisper it to Peeta.

"I like it," he says. "But what about a middle name?"

"Rhian," Haymitch says suddenly. "That was my girl's last name. Josie Rhian."

"That sounds perfect," I tell him. I look down at my baby.

"Hi there, Noah Rhian. Welcome to the world."

* * *

They play in the meadow.

It is the last day before Briar starts her first year of school. She runs through the meadow and squeals as Noah toddles on unsteady legs behind her. Every time he stumbles and falls on his behind, she stops and helps him up again. She holds his hand until he is steady again, and then she is off and running.

"Do you know who they remind me of?" Peeta asks me. I rest my head against his arm and close my eyes, letting the sun hit my face.

"Who?"

"You and Prim."

I smile, and our fingers find each other. "Yeah, they do."

"Momma!" Briar cries. "Momma, come play!"

Peeta and I are sitting cross-legged on the grass. I look into his eyes, and he gives me a nod. I untangle myself and stand up, stretching my back. I then reach down and take Peeta's hands, helping him to stand. He groans as he straightens leg, and I reached down to massage the skin above his prosthetic.

"Are you good?" I ask. He had been given a new prosthesis the year before Briar was born. It was designed better than the original, and more suited to his every day needs. Even with two children at age thirty-nine, Peeta still insisted on moving around like he was eighteen. It took a toll on his body, and sometimes his leg ached more often than it should.

"I'm fine, Katniss. I promise."

We chase our daughter through the tall grass. I scoop up Noah and position him atop my shoulders. He fists his hands into my hair and screams in delight as we chase down his sister.

It is moments like this when I can't believe that I said no for so long. It is moments like this where the negative part of my mind rears its ugly head and I start to panic, terrified that these moments won't last. It is moments like these when I stop and breathe, and recount every kindness I have ever received, every kindness I have ever seen given.

There are still moments when Peeta needs to stop what he's doing and close his eyes. He shudders and grips the back of a chair, the mantle above the fireplace. If I'm near, I wrap my arms around him and clutch him close to me, singing in his ear and reciting what is real and what is not. There are still moments when I find it impossible to get out of bed, and am petrified to enjoy anything in fear of it being taken away.

They help us move on, never to forget. It is impossible to forget what we have seen and done, but it is possible to forge new paths. We start each day with a smile and a kiss and end with 'I love you' s, because we have learned to well that we never know which day will be our last.

"Hey."

Briar is next to me. I've fallen behind. She tugs on the hem of my shirt impatiently.

"Hey. Momma. Come on. Daddy said we are going to the lake."

"I'm right behind you," I tell her, and she is appeased. She runs back to where Peeta waits for her, her two dark braids swinging across her back. My heart lurches, and I clutch my son tighter. He taps my head, and I grin.

Peeta was right; he is like me. He is quiet and contemplative, but he can throw a real fit if he is unhappy. That's when my stubbornness shines through. Noah is a happy child, though, even if he doesn't speak that much. We communicate through touches and looks, like our own language. Him tapping my head is a sign that he wants me to move. He likes to swim, too.

I take a deep breath and start walking. The lake is a little less than a mile away, and I am eager to take a dip myself. The end-of-summer sun beads down on us as we move, and I let myself get lost in my thoughts again.

When we arrive at the lake I place Noah on the ground. He follows his sister to the bank and she splashes his ankles.

"Are you okay?" Peeta asks me, coming over to wrap and arm around my waist. I tilt my head back, and he presses a kiss to my lips.

"Yup," I tell him with a smile.

"You were awfully quiet on the walk here."

"I was just thinking."

Peeta turns to our children. "Briar, Noah! Don't go in until Momma comes in, okay?"

Briar gives an exasperated 'Okay' in return, but does not wade in any higher than her ankles. My kids know the rules.

"What were you thinking about?" Peeta turns back to me.

"Us. Our children."

"Were you playing the game again?" he asks me. I nod, and he tucks me into his side.

"I'm alright, Peeta. I promise. I just like to play it sometimes."

I don't mind it. Some would think it would get redundant after all these years, but I am grateful. I am grateful for my beautiful children, for my truly amazing husband. I am grateful for the opportunity to love as fiercely as I can, as many people as I can, for however brief a time.

I am grateful to be able to know so many good people. I am grateful to be able to play the game, to be able to recite so many good things. So when I am asked how I cope, and I answer, and when I am confronted with the question of its repetition, I just smile. I say how I do not mind it.

"Momma, come swim with us!" Briar yells to me. I extract myself from my husband and run to my children. Briar kisses my cheek and Noah slips his tiny hand into mine.

My eyes meet Peeta's as he sits on the rocks by the water. Our children splash around behind me, and his mouth opens.

_I love you_, he mouths to me. I grin, and send a wave of water his way.

_I love you_, I mouth back.

Yes, the game is repetitive. Yes, it can become tedious after almost twenty years. But I enjoy it. And besides:

There are much worse games to play.

* * *

**Fin.**

**Seriously, guys. I cannot express how much I love each and every one of you. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading this, and sticking with my until the end. I have read every singly review this story has received, and the fact that I have any at all means more to me than I can ever explain. You guys are phenomenal. Thank you.**

***I have a short one shot posted on my blog that is set in the TML universe. It was written for Day 5 of Prompts in Panem, Round 3. Be warned; it's rated M. The link to my blog is on my profile, if you're interested. My URL is now 'ohalaskayoung'. **

***I will also be uploading a one shot about Gale and Johanna within the next few weeks. Stay tuned for that!**

**I hope you all have a Happy Easter! (If you celebrate it.) Please feel free to contact me. You can always PM me, email me, or message me on Tumblr. I would love to here from all of you.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you. You guys are truly wonderful. I love you all. For the last time:**

**xoxo**

**Amber Kay**


	28. AN

Hey there! I've missed you guys!

This is just a brief AN regarding a new story of mine, _Rough Around the Edges_. It will be a mini-series revolving around how (I think) Gale and Johanna ended up together. I wanted to elaborate on what was mentioned in TML but still have a separate story, so RAtE was born!

The first chapter will be uploaded tomorrow, Sunday, April 7th. Stay tuned, and check out my tumblr for a look at the banner- 'ohalaskayoung'

xoxo

Amber Kay

(And as always, thank all of you for your never-ending support and love. :D )


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